What can i do?

[emy2005]

The CPS dropped the charges against the man who raped me and yet the police still believe that it happened and said that it was in my best interests to drop the charges even though they believe this man is dangerous. What can I do or who could i write to about this? I never wanted the charges to drop and according to my family and the witness service the jury were not happy about it. I felt that the organisation of the case was awful and they asked me to give evidence half on friday and half on a monday which left me over the weekend. I feel that the organisation of the case was appalling and that is why my rapist got a way with raping me along with the pain that he caused me. What can i do?

[diana_holbourn]

Sorry to hear about that! You could complain to the CPS. Their email is complaints@cps.gsi.gov.uk

[maria]

hi emy im so sorry that he has got away with this its sickening this realy makes my blood boil the real RAPIST get away with it and the FALSLEY accused get punished i realy think the CPS need to start rethinking about things here.... how do they do it?

[emy2005]

they stopped it because they thought i was getting too upset which means he got away with it because of the pain he caused me.

[diana_holbourn]

That sounds stupid to me. If they thought the situation was that dire, surely they could have suggested you phone a crisis line or Victim Support to speak to someone who could help you calm down a bit. If they behaved like that in all cases, the worse the crime, the more the criminal would be likely to get away with it! Have you any idea why they dropped the case just because they thought you were too upset, even though they knew it was against your wishes? What were they worried would happen if they didn't? Or were they upset because you were critical of their handling of the case?

[emy2005]

they didnt know what i wanted but they made a decision and told the jury before even telling me. It is so awful they told me about what a bady guy he is and im so scared. He will be out in a coupld of yrs knowing he got away with it knowing hes got to me knowing hes caused me pain knowing im weak. He saw me having panic attacks and im really scared. The police have promised me that he wont be able to have a car, mobile or a computer but is that gonna be enough to stop him:'(

[diana_holbourn]

You may be able to get at least some protection against him by reporting him for any harassment he does. There's a website with information about harrassment law here: http://www.harassment-law.co.uk/

The information's free. He does also advertise his services, but I dread to think how much they'd cost. If you hear the man's been released, you might be able to get a free consultation with a solicitor about taking out an injunction against him if you ask at your local citizens' advice bureau.

I'd like to hope he'll leave you alone because he won't want to get in trouble again. But maybe you should make sure you always carry an attack alarm and a mobile phone with you after he's released. If he's in prison for anything similar, hopefully he'll go on a treatment programme and that'll help change his attitudes.

Do you still get panic attacks? Have you had any treatment or anything for them?

[emy2005]

yeh i get **** loads of them n no 1 seems to be helping with them

[diana_holbourn]

I've just been reading a good book about panic attacks called "Master Your Panic and Take Back Your Life: Twelve Treatment Sessions to Conquer Panic, Anxiety and Agoraphobia" by Denise Beckfield. It says that the first step should be learning to slow your breathing down and trying to breathe fully into your lungs instead of from the upper chest, which can make your breathing too shallow. It says that breathing too fast can cause a lot of the sensations associated with panic attacks, and so practising slowing it down quite a lot will help you breathe more slowly naturally in the end, so it will help stop them. It recommends people spend about four minutes a day a few times a day practising breathing slowly, first lying down or sitting in a relaxing chair, and then in other positions. It recommends that one way of making sure you breathe slowly enough is by counting to four when you breathe, saying quite a long word like "one thousand" in between each number. It suggests breathing in through your nose with your mouth closed, and then breathing out through pursed lips, as if you want to put them in the whistling position. It recommends that after a few days of practice, you take several breaths whenever you do something you do regularly throughout the day, like looking at your watch or opening the fridge. It suggests people put a bit of tape or something on the fridge door, perhaps, to remind themselves to do it.

It says that after you've got used to breathing practice after a couple of weeks, you start trying to stop the panic in its tracks by distracting yourself the moment you feel a sensation that might be a panic attack coming on. It says panic attacks are caused to quite a large extent by anxious thoughts that people have as soon as they have a sensation that makes them uneasy. They start thinking the worst, and then the symptoms get worse because they're breathing faster, and that makes them think worse things, and that makes the sensations worse, which makes them even more anxious, and so on. So it says that the very moment you feel a sensation that makes you uneasy, or have an anxious thought that just might be in danger of leading to a panic attack if it carries on, you tell yourself to stop thinking bad thoughts, and then try refocusing your mind on everything around you, like whatever you can see, all the sounds you can hear, and anything you can feel. So, I suppose that if you were outside, you might be able to refocus your mind as hard as you can on things like thinking about what's in shop windows or how people's gardens look, looking at the way people are dressed, or seeing if you can count the number of cars of a particular colour that go by in a minute, or trying to hear snatches of conversation, and any other sounds that are going on around you. Maybe if you're in a shop or cafe, you could look at the food and wonder how much fat it contains or how tasty it is, or you could look at a table or something else and try to think about how it might have been made. If the sun's shining, you could try to think about how warm it is. If you're listening to someone talking, you could try to work out what the three most important things they've said are. If you hear music, you could think about whether you can remember all the song lyrics. And that kind of thing. It says that while you're distracting yourself from anxious thoughts by thinking as much as possible about what's going on around you, you should do the breathing exercises you've practised.

It says that when you're calmer, another thing that can help is if you think about all the things you're worried about that make you have panic attacks, and ask yourself how likely they are to happen. For instance, if a young, healthy person's heart beat faster during a panic attack and they worried they were going to have a heart attack, they could get checked out by their doctor, and if everything was allright, they could write down reassuring thoughts for themselves like,

Not many people have heart attacks as young as me.

I've had tests and they said everything's OK.

I eat healthily and don't smoke.

It's common for people to get symptoms like mine when they get panic attacks; they can be caused just by anxiety.

If the symptoms were being caused by heart problems, I'd probably have died by now, since they've been going on so long.

And that kind of thing, thinking up different kinds of reassuring thoughts for everything you're worried about. And then, it says it's best to look at them every day, to really convince yourself of them.

[Snoopyseed]

Emy, im so sorry to hear this, its so horrendous and emotionally devastating when this happens.I cannot help you on the legal side of things but i can help you with the pain you feel emotionally, physically and spiritualy thats been brought on by whats happened.Contact me anytime you need to i will do all i can to support you.Diana has my details.
The other thing i can suggest is to do what diana suggested and lodge a complaint,im sorry i cant help anymore on the legal side of things hun, but i want you to know that i can be here to support you with anything else.You are not alone either hun, if ever you need to chat diana has my details.

Just a quick suggestion if you do get it to court again, have you thought about working on your emotions so that they cant stop the trial next time?
I know that many survivors get a lot of help from hypnotherapy and counselling, and using natural suypplements to support the body.
Have a think about it and contact me anytime if you need to chat.

Blessings
Snoopy

[emy2005]

Thanks for our advice, I have sent an email to snoopyseed in hope they may be able to help. It was really nice of u to write all that out about panic attacks I have printed it off although my counsellors have given me similar methods that havent worked.

[diana_holbourn]

Do you do the breathing exercises regularly? The more regularly you do them, the more helpful they'll usually be. It can help to do the first ones for several minutes before you even get up in the morning. Also, the book recommends that people start to do the distraction techniques when they just feel uneasy, before they notice they're feeling really anxious, since it says that if your body's in a high state of tension already, it can very quickly go from uneasiness to panic.

Do you have any idea why the techniques you've tried already aren't helping? What do you think is going wrong?

That book I mentioned has a section on things that can make breathing exercises more difficult. I'll quote a few things from it to see if they help:

Occasionally, chronic overbreathers find it difficult to get air into the lower 25 percent of their lungs. Shallow breathing has simply become such an entrenched style that it's difficult to change. If this is true for you, there are several remedies to try.
First, spend ten minutes twice a day for a few days practicing controlled breathing, lying on the floor face down with both hands under your head. This position in and of itself results in abdominal breathing for most people.
Next, try controlled breathing while lying flat on your back. Continue to focus on "ballooning" your stomach as you inhale and to lace your hands over your abdomen as a check that the air is going down into the lower portion of your lungs. [Wwhen you breathe in, the stomach should feel as if it's inflating like a balloon].
You might also try adding some imagery to help you. Imagine, for example, ... that you want to fill your belly with helium almost to the point of bursting, till you nearly "lift off" the floor and rise up into the air. Experiment with images of your own invention that help you to pull air deep down into your abdominal cavity. (Your imagination could have fun with this&#33
As you focus on your manner of breathing with the above strategies, don't forget also to continue timing your inhalations and exhalations, taking four full seconds to inhale, four to exhale. ... Remember, it's important both that the breathing be slow and that it extend to the bottom of the lungs; remember to monitor both position and timing of your breathing during your practices. ...

Sometimes people feel fearful of "losing control" when they become relaxed during controlled breathing practice. ... Someone who's been sexually abused is particularly likely to experience this dilemma. For them, relaxation can raise frightening feelings of vulnerability. Generally speaking, controlled breathing as a relaxation strategy is less likely to arouse these feelings than some of the more meditation-like methods. Oftentimes, using the method while sitting up with eyes open is enough to minimize the negative reactions and allow the method to diminish anxiety as intended.
There are other strategies that can help, too: Assure yourself that conditions are safe before you begin your practice each time. You can do this verbally, reminding yourself that you're in charge of the practice session and that you're doing something positive for yourself. You might also attend to any external features to help you feel safe. (Some people feel safer practicing in the presence of others, for example, while others feel safer alone; some women find that locking the doors helps their sense of security.).

[Unregistered]

i dont know but chin up