Worried sick about my son, he has been falsely accused of rape

[Lookingforanswers]

Good morning.
I have been looking for help. My son was contacted by police in January this year and asked to go to the station to help with their enquiries regarding an accusation of rape. The female in question was in a relationship with my son about 4 years ago. My son contacted the police prior to them asking for information as her boyfriend posted an obscene message on social media claiming he was a rapist. The message had his photo and it was sent to all of his friends and family. My son was naturally devastated, he called the police and told them about the post and made them aware of what he had been accused of. It was a few months after this that the police asked him to go to the station. He was there for 3 hours, wrote a statement regarding what the girl had accused him of. They were in a relationship, they were having consensual sex. Months passed, he has had this looming and is beside himself with worry, he has trouble moving on from it because he really doesn’t know what is going to happen. He received a call yesterday, the police woman that is handling the case has asked him to go in again to ‘run through a few things’ his anxiety has risen to new heights, he isn’t sleeping, eating and his work is suffering. What can he expect? My thinking is if they were to accuse him they would have arrested him by now? Please please does anyone have anything they can say about what they think? Many thanks in advance

[Franticwithworry]

Hello lookingforanswers. I'm so sorry that you have had to find us but glad that you did. Unfortunately you and your son are not alone in dealing with these kinds of accusations by any means.

First and foremost I cannot impress on your enough that you need to make sure that your son does NOT go to the police station again without legal representation. The police are not his friend and will do everything possible to make him believe that it's 'just a little chat' when it's nothing of the sort. Your son is entitled to legal aid for interviews so it won't cost him anything and he needs to find someone who is a specialist in this area. There is a thread with recommendations on this forum and if you can't find anyone suitable feel free to come back here and ask for suggestions. The police haven't arrested your son so he has some control about when he attends so it doesn't have to be the day the police officer wants or suggests, it can be at his convenience. Get him to call round a few solicitors if he can and make sure that he feels comfortable with whoever he chooses to represent him. It's an important decision and the good solicitors are happy to chat about the situation a bit for that purpose. He doesn't have to instruct the first person he talks to. If he immediately feels at ease, all well and good but it's ok to 'shop around'.

Then, your son needs to write down everything that he can remember about this girl, their relationship and his last interview. Every little detail counts and what isn't important to him may matter to the solicitor. The process of writing will help him remember things and is proactive so will help him feel a little in control about things.

He hasn't been arrested for a variety of reasons not least of which the police avoid arrest and bail as far as possible since the Police and Crime Act 2017 so they don't have any restrictions on how long the investigation can take or have to apply to the court to extend bail.

Unfortunately, these investigations can take many months, as you have found already, and it's really important that your son does his best to keep his life as normal as possible, doing the things he would normally enjoy doing and keeping himself occupied so that he doesn't dwell on this. It's good that he has your support, but as his mum you must be worried sick so make sure that you get support too. That's what we are here for but 'real life' support in the form of friends or family you can confide in is good too.

It was appalling that this accusation was posted to all your son's friends and family. Goodness knows what the girl has told her current boyfriend or why but again, it's not unusual for angry boyfriends to be manipulated into stirring things up.

So, one step at a time - first get your son to get some legal representation sorted out before he attends the police station again, get him to write as much as he can down for his own and his solicitor's benefit and keep coming back here for support.