Sexual Assault Allegations against my 13 year old son.

[mariea]

My Son was been beating up by this girl in his same year group in school.
Also a friend of her's posted a message to my daughters Facebook page saying this same girl wanted an apology from my son that everyone is saying he touched her ether on the boob's or between the leg's ?
My daughter told this girl who sent the message we would be reporting this to the school Monday.
I reported this to the school Monday morning and told them she had also punched my son ect.
The school said they would investigate the matter and then said for myself and son to go into school following morning' which we did.
When we went to the meeting with two teachers the teacher threw several statements from students on table and said that this girl said my son touched her private in Geography class also was going around poking other girls ect ect, so threw my son out of school also threatened me and said he would be reporting this to Social Services.
My son broke down crying saying that it was him and his two friends poking each other under the table, and he did not touch this girl or all her other friends but they did not want to know.
So i foolishly got the police involved as i wanted to press charges against this girl for assaulting my son and her friends calling my son " JIMMY SAVEL ) But after 4 months this police officer decided to put on the blame on my son and the girls made statements to police officer saying my son sexually assaulted them all 3 of them, when he did nothing of the sort' as only the girl who punched my son and her mates were interview by police and the school, the school said her mates evidence was credible, yet my sons friend's were not interviewed and they said my sons friends were not interviewed as they were not credible ? Also both teachers in the two classes were my son was suppose to be sexually assaulting these 3 girls said they saw Nothing but this was not even mentioned in police report. ?? I forgot to say my son got 3 days exclusion but i took him out of the school as i feared for his life' Is there anything i can do as the school have caused me so much stress and suffering also this police officer made things worst.
The girls are not taking any action as they know they are in the wrong, so do the police but what can i do ??
As this is destroying my son's life' how can i clear this up as my son has been threatened by a boy from his old school this boy said he would stab my son.
The lies have spread into his new school.
Am afraid for my sons life ' what can i do ???
PLEASE CAN ANYBODY HELP ADVICE ME ????

[tiger mum]

help for boys in this mess....

Hi Mariea - I'm so sorry to hear your sad story about the girls at school bullying your son. Things are so biased against boys that these stupid girls are getting away with all sorts of evil behaviour. My son has been falsely accused of the rape of a 14 year old, luckily no one believes her as she is a proven liar. Its a bit different in our case as the ONLY people who believe her is her parents and the police, the school and all his year group, including the girls friends have sided with him. However in December he tried to start a new school to be away from it all, but the lies had spread there and it was all too much for him and he nearly had a break down trying to front it up and attend there. The Local Education Authority saw sense and relented and let his school decide whether they could cope them both in the same school. They wanted him back as they know he is innocent so he is back with his friends. We are waiting to see whether the police will prosecute - the DNA results were negative and we think all the kids statements re the night in question back up the truth rather than her lies. i.e. there wasn't consenting sex and there was no sexual assault or rape.

It must be so difficult for your son to be at a strange school without his friends who know him. I know you are disappointed with the school and want to protect him from the girls and their lies, but starting a new school is a massive ordeal for him - especially as he is now not only the new kid, he's the new kid with this terrible stigma. My son never wanted to leave his old school, it was the LEA who didn't know what to do with him so said he couldn't attend until it was sorted. But it was the same result - he had his routine, his friends and his school taken away from him, on top of being innocent of the allegations that made him really angry.

At your son's old school, even if the teachers have got it terribly wrong, these trouble maker girls will continue this horrible behaviour and find someone new to bully. The truth will out. Then the teachers will realise your son was probably innocent - but then it will be too late if his mental health and education has suffered. Would you consider returning to the school and telling them that the new school hasn't been an escape from the lies and could he return to them? Peer pressure is so strong, I felt the new school was the best chance of my son coping - but he couldn't cope there more than 1 day and 4 weeks into the new term he is back into his old lessons with his old teachers and doing well considering. You say you have a daughter - if she is at the same school she can check he is okay. His friends who know he's innocent will probably stick with him too. Talk to your lad - if he will consider returning to what he knows - which isn't perfect but at least its familiar and safe - it may be best to swallow your pride and explain you'd like him to return. He wasn't expelled, he was temporarily excluded. They have a duty of care to him as well as the girl and they should help him put it behind him. Whatever he does now he will have to be super careful regarding his behaviour - especially around girls. But if he keeps his head down and gets on with it he may ride out this storm, if he has no support I worry he will drop out and play truant and that will be a downward slide.

[mariea]

Allegations against my 13 year old son

Thank you so much tiger mum. But my child's life was made a misery in that school as the teacher's refused to do anything about the bulling ?
So if he were to stay there it would of just got worst' they are refusing to hear his side of things especially about the bully's.
Also this girl has gone on to accuse another boy of putting a badminton bat up her skirt ' but he got a school exclusion for a day.
My Concern is that these girls can go to the police any time they choose and press charges against my son and have him arrested as the police asked them if they wanted to take action against my child ???
Also the report i got from the police is actually saying my child sexually assaulted them, when it is only the girls allegations ??
Also the school seemed to condone this one girl of punching my son in the side of the face at lunch time' because she said she punched him because he touched her front in Geography ??
Well i thought ok but why did she not punch him when it was suppose to have taken place ??
Also she punched him in the morning before the alleged incident' but that was ignored.
I am so worried that the ugly disgusting report that the police sent to social services along with the report from the school that i could end up loosing all my kids 'also my two granddaughters who i just got guardianship of last year ??
Also what if this girl changes her mind and dose press charges ?
I feel like we are all living under a threat' we can not live in fear ?
I have also after this taking place last September just got around to putting in a complaint to the Chair of Governors about the way all this was handled.
Ive also requested a meeting with the parents of this girl, as ive asked to meet with the parents before but the school would not discuss it.
I am trying everything to resolve this but the school is not interested.
I need to put closure to this as my son is blaming himself' he is suffering so much' he has lost all his confidence and is so insecure'
I want this of my son's school record and police record ??
Surely i must be able to do something to protect my child'but i feel i have no rights in this situation.

[tiger mum]

Feeling hopeless trying to support our sons...

Hi Mariea - I realise our situations are similar but also different. In our case my son was at his lowest when he felt isolated from his friends, even though we are no further forward with the police and CPS, he is better in himself. Also he is mature for his age and is very bright - he also has the benefit of some excellent friends. The way these lads have rallied around and supported him has really surprised me - I've thanked their mums for having such ace kids and that has made me feel better that people aren't believing this rubbish and pointing the finger. I haven't assumed ANYONE believes her lies - I've assumed they believe my son. So far I haven't had to deal with anyone except the police who have challenged my son's innocence - but I know people on this site have had a much worse time than we have.

I think your son's challenges are about peer pressure and bullying - this girl's vicious lies are getting her attention and success. I have come to realise how sexist the school environment and how boys do not speak up when girls hit/kick them, stalk them and target them with indecent photos of themselves. In the UK kids can be criminally responsible at 10 - however it seems that this means boys can be rapists but girls aren't capable of lying?

Ironically both my boys are very popular with the girls because of their looks, you'd think this would be something to be proud of - but it scares me and it scares them. I told one of the senior male teachers at my son's school what is going on and they were shocked. Not very cool for the boys to tell teacher when they are thumped - so they shut up and put up. Then the girls step it up as even naked photos of themselves don't get any attention. Yesterday I found facebook conversation between a boy and a girl in my son's class - she was laughing that she was masturbating in class because she was sat behind my son. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT????? We scuba dive and this parenting experience has been like looking at the surface of the sea and knowing there's all these things going on below then putting your mask on and actually seeing it - but its not pretty fishes in this teenage world, its jelly fish and sting rays and sharks.

Someone on this site may come back with some solid advice about your legal situation - but anticipate it is grim. At any point in the future she may go back to the police make the allegations formally, then the police will probably try to arrest and interview your son. If they make this move INSIST you are present and tell them you have appointed a solicitor on his behalf and tell them you don't want the duty solicitor - they have to wait til your son's solicitor gets there. If I were you I'd find the closest specialist serious crime defence solicitor - write a long email explaining exactly what your situation is and ask them to come to the station and represent your lad if/when needed. Then if it does hit the fan you know what to do. You may have to pay them for this but they should give you a fixed price just for this priceless support. I did just this and the solicitor stopped the police in their tracks re an arrest of my boy. This will make you feel less hopeless - you need a plan!

Don't go to the police with any information - I made this mistake and regret it as they used it against him. Save all your info in a diary - jot down dates/facebook data etc. Save it for your solicitor if the need arises. Its the CPS not the girl or the police who decide to press charges - they will spend months investigating if there is a case against him so there will be a period of limbo.

If the police arrest him on suspicion of sexual assault they should inform social services who should put a Section 47 on your son. This is NOT just to protect other children against your son, it SHOULD be to consider the impact of the accusations on him and protect him from his accusers also. It seems that the SS have seriously let you and your son down - I'm not sure how many children you are responsible for, but rather than risk disruption to all their lives, can your son voluntarily go and live with another caring supportive member of your family? He must be in so much distress, in a strange school away from his friends - watching his mum go through this stress. I want to scoop him up and give him a hug. My son's MAIN concern was letting me down - I told him this was absolutely ridiculous - **** happens and life is a string of problems we have to solve. If you have kids you expect the amount of challenges to multiply - blessed are the years you're not knocked sideways by them.

If he is to survive this ordeal emotionally and physically he needs you and his friends. Does he have family members or friends who will walk with him, not threaten the bullies but stand up to them? Bullies are weak and sad - your boy has to stay strong and brave. Both my lads can stand up for themselves, but they have both had to bottle up their anger at this stupid girl's allegations and not react to the rumours. For my oldest lad to reply "he didn't do it, but I can't talk about it" when faced with questions about his brother certainly was a challenge - but he's learnt from it. Because of their behaviour the police have nothing more to pin on my son than the words of a stupid girl.

Your love and support and your unquestioning belief he is innocent is the most important thing your lad has to hang on to. Visualise a time when he is a grown man and you are remembering this horrible time as the moment you both realised what you have in each other. Stay strong and positive and keep talking to those who are in the same boat - it helps.