How do I get my man to communicate

[Melamy]

Please help. I don't know whether its me or this is just a pathetic topic. My husband is unable to communicate with me. He never really listens ie. when he asks me a question on what I've done today, I'll tell him but he will either carry on reading the paper or be doing something else. I know he doesn't listen as I have put into the conversation something stupid like "Oh and he/she went to the doctors and her head blew off" or something similar. He had a phone call this evening from a landlord, booking him for a gig (he's a singer) and all he told me was that he had the booking and the guys got his own top gear. I tried to open it up but...........nothing. Now I know for a fact that he has a mate who he will tell all about the call. This isn't the first time this has happened by the way. There is other stuff but I really don't want to bore you. Am I paranoid, am I losing the plot. Please help, this is making me really unhappy.

[littlemoo]

I don't really know what to suggest. i think this is a man thing, and most of them do it to some extent, it just sounds like your man is really bad at this.
Hopefully one of the gentlemen on this forum may be able to explain a bit more.
Good luck with him.
~Jo

[diana_holbourn]

Don't worry about boring us. You're not.

Have you asked him why he isn't communicating with you and told him it's bothering you?

There are several reasons why it might be happening. I think a lot of men tend to do that to a certain extent, at least to the point that if you talk to them while they're doing something else, they'll ignore you. I've heard it's because their brains are programmed to only focus on one thing at once, which would have been useful in the old days when they were hunting and they had to focus on an animal and not be distracted if they were going to kill it. However, sometimes people can do what you're describing when they're stressed or tired and just want to relax; but if it happens persistently, it can sometimes be a way of trying to get the spouse to leave by boring them out of a marriage, to save having to take the difficult step of ending a relationship themselves. I'm not saying that's necessarily happening with you. But maybe you could talk with him about whether he thinks anything about the marriage could be improved, so he'll be happier in it. Can you remember things you both used to do together that you used to enjoy, that you could remind him of and that you could suggest you both do again? Can you think of new things that you both might enjoy if you started them, that he might agree to do with you if you suggested them to him? If you start to do things together that you both enjoy, it may spark off more interest in you from him.

Also, rewarding husbands for good behaviour can help. If every time he does something that pleases you, you make a point of telling him you appreciate it, or reward him in some way like caressing him, he might develop more interest.