two weeks married and i think i want out he's just not bearable

[rose]

i was married on 23 dec 2005, feeling very controlled by his paents firstly i thought that would change once he no longer had thier influence as everything they said he agreed wit and foced me into. things have not changed they are still ruling my life though i think i have bigger problems. he ignores me he either reads or plays on the computer now he wont talk or communicate. he thinks i jsut there for his pleasure as when he feels. He wont let me se my folks but we see his. if i talk its a problem and he bites my head off. and i just feel unloved he pays atention now to all the girls and ignores me he said i must just put up with him cause i wanted to marry him. yes i did but i did not force him he asked me and he says he didnt want to get married. he wakes me up even if i ill just so he can fulfill his needs and i not ignoring his needs but i feelo like a whore and unloveed and bullied i just am so un happy [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/helpsmilie.gif[/img]

[diana_holbourn]

It sounds as if he might be far too selfish and abusive for it to be healthy for you to be around him any more.

But you could try changing your behaviour in the hope he&#39;ll be motivated to change his: Sometimes, husbands can change if their wives make a point of praising them or rewarding them in some other way like giving them a caress every time they do even the slightest thing they&#39;re pleased with. It may be that the more you praise or reward him for every little bit of good behaviour, the more he&#39;ll want to be with you and please you. It might also encourage him in good behaviour if you try to cut out all unnecessary criticism of him, so he finds it more and more pleasant to be with you and do things you want.

Decide how long to give it, and think about it every so often to try to work out whether what you&#39;re doing&#39;s working or not. But if he doesn&#39;t change aftrer a while, it might be best for your well-being if you leave. You could maybe write down all the things you&#39;re unhappy with, give him the list, and tell him you&#39;re giving him a certain amount of time to change, (which you can decide on beforehand), but if he doesn&#39;t, you&#39;ll leave. You might be able to avoid an argument if you just keep saying that it&#39;s your decision and you&#39;re sticking to it, if he tries to argue.

[littlemoo]

This sounds bad. it sounds as if you are beign bullied by your partner and his parents. You are not there for his pleasure, you are a person in your own right, with your own life.

If he won&#39;t talk to you about it, and you are still unhappy, then it sounds like you will be better off leaving him. There are various charities and helplines you can use to look at the options open to you. Try googling for some others, but here&#39;s the link for relate: http://www.relate.org.uk/

Also, try talking to the people on Ebay Family, Home and Garden Forum. They may seem a bit loud but I know that some of them have gone through bad relationships and will be more experienced and more than happy to help.

I hope it works out for you.

Jo

[rose]

thanks i have tried being really nice and loving etc and praising him.He is just getting worse. i will keep trying and give him an ultimatum too. Will also talk to the people you suggest.

[diana_holbourn]

When you give him the ultimatum, it might be as well to be very careful about the way you phrase it, if you think there&#39;s a possibility he might get violent or use threats. I&#39;ve heard it suggested that another tactic people in abusive relationships can try is to be as boring as they possibly can, in order that their partner gets bored and leaves them, or doesn&#39;t mind breaking up the relationship. But it&#39;s difficult to know how often that would work.

[littlemoo]

Before giving him the ultimatum, go to the citizens advice bureau and discuss things like finances (especially if you have a joint bank account/mortgage) so you are prepared before hand.
I think you are doing the right thing by giving him the ultimatum and threating to leave, he shouldn&#39;t treat you like that at all, but as Diana says, be careful.
If you think he might become violent, plan ahead - move some of your stuff and some money to a friend/parents house or somewhere where you can go if you have to just walk out.
Best of luck
~Jo

[rose]

hi, i had been trying to log in and failing. Thanks for your help all things ahve improved alot, turns out it was his mom instigating and puttung aideas in his head also he was under alot of pressure form them. Things are better now i hope will keep you psted

[littlemoo]

Glad to hear things are improving. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.gif[/img]
~Jo