Attacked and accused by my wife, and close to divorce.....

[Deeply Bereaved]

All right, im going to try and get all this off my chest. My Wife and I married in May 2012, and we both love each other. We have had our "moments", but in the main love each other. Now im a simple guy, honest and faithfull, possibly a bit dull. I dont watch television much, only football ( soccer), boxing and motorsports, which the last two I have not watched for a long time, as my Wife feels im disrespecting her seeing scantily clad females on the screen. I dont watch porn or masturbate, however I have been accused of having private time and watching porn on multiple occasions in the bathroom, which I am either using the toilet/bath.

This stopped about a month ago after several days heated arguements. I am accused of looking at other women in general as sexual objects. I truely only have eyes for my wife, she is beautiful and had made me happy mostly, apart from me being accused and recently attacked. The main point of argueing has been for a long time, my ex partner( thankfully not married to). My Wife is fixated on her.

I can understand my wife not liking her obviously I dont either, as my Wife( when we were dating), was threatened physically by my ex and her cohorts. I have also had problems with my ex not allowing me to see my children, which is my problem being sorted out legally.

Like I said my Wife has a fixation on my ex, whenever my ex rears up her usual horrible business, I get verbally bashed, and am told by my Wife to go and do sexual things with my ex, and I must love my ex!!!!

I believe my Wife is insecure about her appearance, how ever she really is beautiful. Also some other depression related issues. About a week ago, huge arguements with my Wife as she was unhappy about somestuff my ex wrote on social networking site ( im not on social networks). The comments was not derogatory, although they normally border on nasty and horrible.

A day or two later it was all still bubbling, I said no more and took a stand against the accusations and being what I percieve as being controlled, accused and abused. Well the next thing the television was thrown off the stand, plates smashed, chair thrown and broken. She was extremely violent attacked me , then when I tried restraining her, rang the police to have me arrested...The policeman was very fair, he believed my side of the story as I had an audio copy of what was going on. The police took my Wife to her familys house. I packed up my clothes and have left the house, and am now staying with friends. I left the house with every intention of permanent separation as I have had enough of being accused, and now attacked.

My dilema is now I desperatly miss my Wife, I do love her. I have never been exposed to nor participated in domestic violence. I am now finding myself highly upset being apart from my Wife, to the point where I cannot get her out my mind and having floods of tears. My wife has tried persuading me that it will not happen again, but I do have my doubts that its quite a high chance it will. I love and miss my Wife so much, I just do not know what to do. I would appreciate any feedback from others that have been in similar situations, on feelings and action taken.

There I got it off my chest, and still feel gutted....... :'(

[lawlessone2009]

Strangely... If I could make ONE recommendation and only one...

Copy and paste the link to this thread into an email and send it too her.



It could be enough to at least have you guys begin speaking and attempting to straighten things out. It is often difficult for a guy to actually say what he is thinking or indeed when he does he often puts his thoughts across in the wrong manner. There are two sides to the coin here and no doubt your partner has many different issues that she would like to highlight also.

If you can both get your issues onto the table and go through them one by one and look for resolution. You both cannot be shown to be weak or simply compliant for the sake of it, you MUST work on uncomplicated answers that allow both of you to remain neutral. If one submits to the other then issues begin to arise later on so the immediate tranquil bliss gives way to potential hell/escalation in the future

If you are still in love with her then it could well be a point to make this clear but raise your concerns in a non-agressive and impassive manner. It could also be an idea to seek external help, a third party be it a specialist or a mutual friend can be invaluable. I would sway towards an unknown specialist as they don't take sides or create further issues. A family relationship counsellor or such would be ideal.

I would attempt not to involve the Police in your private life unless really necessary. They have a job to do and they generally do it well but every now and then you stumble across a jobs worth or vindictive animal that turn your life into hell. Violence cannot be allowed but in some circumstances simply leaving the situation is better than inflaming it further by unnecessarily involving the 'authorities'. Your ex could also get wind of it and make access to your children even more difficult.

You're clearly in a nasty little place but it CAN be sorted out and without too much difficulty. Act now before it's too late.

[IvorBinWronged]

very hard place to be in...

Hi there. Was saddened to read this thread. Just only one thought:

What would the advice be if you were the violent one and she the OP?

If it's alcohol-fuelled violence, then only true sobriety (forever!) Would be the cure.

I wish you luck in these hard times.