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My partner of 1 year and I moved in together very early on due to financial difficulties whilst we were both studying at college together. We now both live with my mother (at her suggestion/request) which is, very appreciated - but very restrictive and oppresive.
He is particularly feeling this worse as he still feels like a guest in the house (despite our best efforts to make him feel at home - my mother bless her, isn't the easiest person to live with
) and as he was the one with the flat who had moved away to study, he is feeling like a failure for having to backtrack to "living at home".
We're both 'mature' students (I'm 23, and he's 25); having been at work for a little while and now trying our luck at the music game. We're both in our second year (having met through being in the same classes in the first) although now on two different courses. He breezed through the first; getting the highest grade possible and an outstanding acheivement award for best vocalist for his contributions towards other students (stepping in to play Bass - even though he'd never played before!! for our end of term showcase for about 4 bands who'd either been let down, or had to be formed in a rush for students who'd been kicked out of former bands). Anyway, you get the impression that he was a very dedicated student, the teachers all love him!
So this year - to challenge himself a little more he changed course to a slightly harder one. He doesn't have any of our group of friends in there; not close ones at least - and he's incredibly shy so he didn't intergrate with his new classmates for months. And (much as I love him) he's something of a teachers pet (as am I) so may have come across as 'up himself' if he's not really talking to his peers, but having lots of time for tutors. I know a few people thought that last year. He was really enjoying the start of term, really enthused by the course content, it's coursework and the chance to meet industry professionals etc. Now however, he's fallen into a depressive state.
God I'm writing an absolute essay here. The point I'm trying to make is, he's gone from loving college and really enjoying it, to never going in, getting *incredibly* stressed out before a performance day if he does go in (he feels entirely inadequet in comparison to his new peers). He's also had an old injury flare up (a rare defect in his knee which *should* have left him wheel chair bound a few years ago but he had guinia-pig surgery on which was supposed to be a perma-fix) that is in the process of being looked at (our first surgeon appointment on 28th Dec).
I am very proud of him as went to the doctors for the first time (after I've been mentioning it for a while and it's always been shot down with a direct no!) a couple of days ago with the hopes of seeing a psychiatrist. I knew that it wouldn't be that simple, and he seems pretty upset by the (right) decision from his doctor to wait a while and get to know him first (it's the first time he's seen them bar a follow up for a referal to a surgeon for his knee following 2 nights in A&E).
I am not looking forward to the conversation about anti-psychotics that I know will come eventually.
His doctor (after a brief visit) believes he has either Clinical depression, or Bipolar. He is praying it isn't Bipolar as he's been told that isn't curable. If I'm honest, that's exactally what I've thought it was all along =/
Right now, he is sitting across from me. He has a coursework deadline on Monday (it is now Thursday night) that he's known about for AGES. There are about 6 projects due. All of them pretty huge.
And he's done half of one, after *much* gentle prodding from me today. But he keeps getting back into bed in tears and telling me "he can't do it - even though it's the simpliest thing in the world" which frustrates him even more.
And I don't know what to say to help him. Unfortunately - I can't do any of it for him. It's either recording things (which I am clueless about), or it's marketing plans etc that only he can do, because he's not a big written person and doesn't plan on paper (handwriting issues) so he does it as he goes.
I did The WORST thing possible and started crying earlier because the state he was in broke my heart so much. I was expecting this to make the situation much worse (as it probably would for me), but it did make him sit up and do some work for a bit, but after an hour he was back with losing concentration.
He's faffing about with a special effects program right now - doing something Completely unrealted to his course/work. I don't want to keep nudging him to go back to it because that has the total opposite effect on him. As you would imagine. I know it would on me in his situation.
Wow. Essay and a half. I am so sorry. I think I just needed to type it all out and rant a bit. ANY advice or tips or help offer would be amazing. I just don't know what to say to him, or how to help him because I don't understand what he's going through - how could I?
I just want my smiley baby back. He's there every now and then so he's definitely not lost to me just yet. I've read some of the threads posted on here by other partners who's spouces can't even get out of bed. He's done that a couple of times, but only during the day (he has incredibly irratic sleeping patterns. He'll get insomnia for weeks, then flip and go into hypersomnia for a few days, then be 'normal' for a while, then creep back into insomnia again). I only hope we can continue to get him help before it gets as bad as that
Booked him his second visit for 2 weeks time. Hoping all is calm until then....
Kate
He is particularly feeling this worse as he still feels like a guest in the house (despite our best efforts to make him feel at home - my mother bless her, isn't the easiest person to live with
) and as he was the one with the flat who had moved away to study, he is feeling like a failure for having to backtrack to "living at home".We're both 'mature' students (I'm 23, and he's 25); having been at work for a little while and now trying our luck at the music game. We're both in our second year (having met through being in the same classes in the first) although now on two different courses. He breezed through the first; getting the highest grade possible and an outstanding acheivement award for best vocalist for his contributions towards other students (stepping in to play Bass - even though he'd never played before!! for our end of term showcase for about 4 bands who'd either been let down, or had to be formed in a rush for students who'd been kicked out of former bands). Anyway, you get the impression that he was a very dedicated student, the teachers all love him!
So this year - to challenge himself a little more he changed course to a slightly harder one. He doesn't have any of our group of friends in there; not close ones at least - and he's incredibly shy so he didn't intergrate with his new classmates for months. And (much as I love him) he's something of a teachers pet (as am I) so may have come across as 'up himself' if he's not really talking to his peers, but having lots of time for tutors. I know a few people thought that last year. He was really enjoying the start of term, really enthused by the course content, it's coursework and the chance to meet industry professionals etc. Now however, he's fallen into a depressive state.
God I'm writing an absolute essay here. The point I'm trying to make is, he's gone from loving college and really enjoying it, to never going in, getting *incredibly* stressed out before a performance day if he does go in (he feels entirely inadequet in comparison to his new peers). He's also had an old injury flare up (a rare defect in his knee which *should* have left him wheel chair bound a few years ago but he had guinia-pig surgery on which was supposed to be a perma-fix) that is in the process of being looked at (our first surgeon appointment on 28th Dec).
I am very proud of him as went to the doctors for the first time (after I've been mentioning it for a while and it's always been shot down with a direct no!) a couple of days ago with the hopes of seeing a psychiatrist. I knew that it wouldn't be that simple, and he seems pretty upset by the (right) decision from his doctor to wait a while and get to know him first (it's the first time he's seen them bar a follow up for a referal to a surgeon for his knee following 2 nights in A&E).
I am not looking forward to the conversation about anti-psychotics that I know will come eventually.
His doctor (after a brief visit) believes he has either Clinical depression, or Bipolar. He is praying it isn't Bipolar as he's been told that isn't curable. If I'm honest, that's exactally what I've thought it was all along =/
Right now, he is sitting across from me. He has a coursework deadline on Monday (it is now Thursday night) that he's known about for AGES. There are about 6 projects due. All of them pretty huge.
And he's done half of one, after *much* gentle prodding from me today. But he keeps getting back into bed in tears and telling me "he can't do it - even though it's the simpliest thing in the world" which frustrates him even more.
And I don't know what to say to help him. Unfortunately - I can't do any of it for him. It's either recording things (which I am clueless about), or it's marketing plans etc that only he can do, because he's not a big written person and doesn't plan on paper (handwriting issues) so he does it as he goes.
I did The WORST thing possible and started crying earlier because the state he was in broke my heart so much. I was expecting this to make the situation much worse (as it probably would for me), but it did make him sit up and do some work for a bit, but after an hour he was back with losing concentration.
He's faffing about with a special effects program right now - doing something Completely unrealted to his course/work. I don't want to keep nudging him to go back to it because that has the total opposite effect on him. As you would imagine. I know it would on me in his situation.
Wow. Essay and a half. I am so sorry. I think I just needed to type it all out and rant a bit. ANY advice or tips or help offer would be amazing. I just don't know what to say to him, or how to help him because I don't understand what he's going through - how could I?
I just want my smiley baby back. He's there every now and then so he's definitely not lost to me just yet. I've read some of the threads posted on here by other partners who's spouces can't even get out of bed. He's done that a couple of times, but only during the day (he has incredibly irratic sleeping patterns. He'll get insomnia for weeks, then flip and go into hypersomnia for a few days, then be 'normal' for a while, then creep back into insomnia again). I only hope we can continue to get him help before it gets as bad as that
Booked him his second visit for 2 weeks time. Hoping all is calm until then....
Kate