Hello, I'm new and this is my first post. I don't know where else to turn so I thought finding a forum where I can anonymously post my feelings would help. So here it goes...
I've been married for over 7 years...and the physical intimacy in our relationship is almost non-existent. My husband basically does not find me sexually attractive, in a nut shell.
To give some history...shortly after we married, the frequency of our love making declined. As newly weds we were more active than we are now but even then it was maybe once or twice a month. It began to slowly dwindle over the years and to make a long story short...we make love maybe once every 3 months or so.
I am so frustrated. I've tried everything...I've cried, I've talked, I've gotten angry, I've "given up", I have tried to spice things up...but nothing.
He says it's not me...but when I make statements of him not being physically attracted to me, he does not deny them. I am heavy...I was heavy when we married...he is heavy...and yet I still desire him. I try to do everything to be a good wife...I keep a nice home...I cook for him...
On the surface we have a great relationship, though! We laugh and truly do love one another! He tells me he loves me almost every day and he is kind and thoughful...but the physical passion is just not there...and it has done a number on my self-esteem.
I used to LOVE to have sex (to be blunt! lol) Now when we do it, though, I can't help to feel pressure...pressure to be "good enough" so that he may want it more often. Instead, it's often akward and mechanical. I suggest new positions, I even bought him some "videos" for him for Valentine's Day...it's been over a week and he has not viewed them with me yet.
As a result, my initiation has declined as well. I feel almost embarassed to try due to the repeated rejections. I feel so gross...so un desired.
On a side note...several years ago my DH did have an affair. I found out about it almost a year or two later in a round about way. It was short-lived and we have discussed it until we're blue in the face. But I can't stop thinking about it. Now when I do try to talk to him...he just get so upset and says, "I've tried to show you how sorry I am and I thought we were past this!" I feel as if I don't have anyone to talk to about it since I didn't tell anyone (I didn't leave him and so I didn't want our family/friends to hate him...and they would have).
I've suggested counseling on multiple occassions but he won't go.
I'm sorry this is so incredibly long. I'm just so frustrated and sad about it...we would have the perfect relaionship if only he desired me...
Thanks for listening.
I've been married for over 7 years...and the physical intimacy in our relationship is almost non-existent. My husband basically does not find me sexually attractive, in a nut shell.
To give some history...shortly after we married, the frequency of our love making declined. As newly weds we were more active than we are now but even then it was maybe once or twice a month. It began to slowly dwindle over the years and to make a long story short...we make love maybe once every 3 months or so.
I am so frustrated. I've tried everything...I've cried, I've talked, I've gotten angry, I've "given up", I have tried to spice things up...but nothing.
He says it's not me...but when I make statements of him not being physically attracted to me, he does not deny them. I am heavy...I was heavy when we married...he is heavy...and yet I still desire him. I try to do everything to be a good wife...I keep a nice home...I cook for him...
On the surface we have a great relationship, though! We laugh and truly do love one another! He tells me he loves me almost every day and he is kind and thoughful...but the physical passion is just not there...and it has done a number on my self-esteem.
I used to LOVE to have sex (to be blunt! lol) Now when we do it, though, I can't help to feel pressure...pressure to be "good enough" so that he may want it more often. Instead, it's often akward and mechanical. I suggest new positions, I even bought him some "videos" for him for Valentine's Day...it's been over a week and he has not viewed them with me yet.
As a result, my initiation has declined as well. I feel almost embarassed to try due to the repeated rejections. I feel so gross...so un desired.
On a side note...several years ago my DH did have an affair. I found out about it almost a year or two later in a round about way. It was short-lived and we have discussed it until we're blue in the face. But I can't stop thinking about it. Now when I do try to talk to him...he just get so upset and says, "I've tried to show you how sorry I am and I thought we were past this!" I feel as if I don't have anyone to talk to about it since I didn't tell anyone (I didn't leave him and so I didn't want our family/friends to hate him...and they would have).
I've suggested counseling on multiple occassions but he won't go.
I'm sorry this is so incredibly long. I'm just so frustrated and sad about it...we would have the perfect relaionship if only he desired me...
Thanks for listening.
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