Tweet
im new to this but here goes . ihave been married for 24 years and tonight my husband told me hes had an affair, i just need to talk to some one, any one. the pain i am feeling is over whelming i just dont know what to do or think. please help. he says he doesnt know why. but hes glad its out. hes had to tell me because he has tried to finish with her but she contacted me how painfulls that.
-
-
You can express your feelings on this forum if you like, or if you want to talk to someone by phone and you're in the UK or Ireland, you could try the Samaritans. Samaritans - Do you need someone to talk to? > National numbers
There's a lot of information about coping with affairs on the Internet which you might find useful in the coming weeks. For instance: Relate - Coping with Affairs. If you're in the UK, maybe you could arrange to see someone from Relate. They do counsel people on their own, if your husband doesn't want to go. Is there a possibility that he might, so you can develop plans for how to stop this happening again? Is he sorry he had the affair?My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the Supernatural -
he says that he is sorry, butis that enough, i dont know what to do next, on one hand i still love him so much, but on the other i hate him for what hes done, i keep seeing them together in my minds eye, its hard to talk to friends because they are our friends. The crunch seems to have come when she ask him to move in.Comment
-
I think you should tell him that if he's genuinely sorry, it means he never wants to have an affair again. There's no point in being sorry if you don't think you'd have any qualms about repeating the behaviour! So if he's genuinely sorry, he can prove it to you by being prepared to go to counselling with you to try to make sure this kind of thing never happens again! And/or ask him to have a think about why he had the affair and tell you what steps he plans to put into place to make sure he's less tempted to do that kind of thing again! Or if he thinks he had the affair because he's dissatisfied with something about the marriage, ask him to discuss imaginative ways of improving it with you. Perhaps a counsellor could help with that if you have any difficulties.My self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the SupernaturalComment
-
I'm so sorry. I know how difficult this must be for you. I've been married for only 7 years and my husband cheated on me several years ago. We've discussed it several times...and we've somewhat worked through it (at least he thinks so). I still need to talk about it sometimes..but he considers it "taboo" now. I really don't think he'll do it again...as ignorant as that sounds...but the betrayal and hurt remains.
You can work through this...that is, if you want to...really. The betrayal is deep...and I don't know the cirumstanes of your marriage...but if you want to work this through, please don't do what I did. INSIST that you seek counseling...whether he wants to or not. The infidelity will ultimatley play havoc on your psyche and self-esteem...and although intellectually we know that it isn't our fault...you can't help but feel that it's something you did or didn't do.
Right now your wounds are very fresh...and you are in agony. Find someone to tak to. I know how it feels to not feel as if you can talk to people. After all, you're probably not sure what you're going to do yet...and letting others know your "dirty laundry" is scary.
Take care of yourself and know tha that you are not alone. I am new here...just joined today...but I'll be checking in on you.Comment
-
hi thanks for your help,the past few weeks have been very hard, but we have talked a lot, just like we did years ago, and alot of the time i feel much closer to him than i have done for years, when you have been together for a long time i think you can forget you are a couple, work ,the children,( grown up now but still need us)ect. we take each day as it comes, the thing i cant stop are the pictures of him with the her, then the pain comes flooding back, but it does get less.
he takes full blame, and wishs he could know why he did it. the only thing i can say is that it has made us address our relationship. and things do seem better. A part of me feels hes got away with it, but i still love him and love my life with him. thanks keep in touch .Comment
-
It's nice to know things are improving.
If you can't get rid of the pain caused by the images after a while, there's a therapy I've recently heard about that might help called "eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing".
http://www.answers.com/emdrMy self-help articles on problems ranging from depression and phobias to marriage difficulties, to looking after children and teenagers, to addictions and destructive behaviours like anorexia, to bullying, to losing weight, to debating skills: http://broadcaster.org.uk/self-help
And my article: How to Avoid Falling for Many False Claims or Fears of the SupernaturalComment
Comment