HURT AND CONFUSED

[CARLOSM]

Hi I am writing this mail to ask you for advice, I would be grateful if you can assist me in any way.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half, Our relationship is perfect and I cant imagine a life without her, she is everything I got, I mean during this year and half we had our little arguments but who doesn't it was never big arguments, Also most of the time it was my jealousy that caused the arguments, I would ask her if she ever cheated but not for one moment I ever doubted her because I know she is the girl for me and we even talked about marriage and having kids and we had the most wonderful relationship ever until last Wednesday.
We met up for lunch and soon as I saw her I knew something was up, I asked her whats wrong and she sat me down and said have I got anything to tell her, I said no and what was wrong and she said that she knows for 100% that I cheated on her, I was shocked and hurt and kept on asking and telling her what makes her think like that and that I would never do that to her, especially cos how I feel bout things,I have never cheated on her and wouldn?t so this is a shock to me, I know what kind of person she is as well and if she didn?t believe that I haven?t cheated on her she wouldn?t bring or make something like this up cos during our year and a half relationship she has never asked me or doubted me.
She left me there, When I tried to ring her and text her she just ignored me so on the weekend I decided to go and see her where she lived.
I got her some flowers and some chocolates and left them in front of her house and texted her saying im going to be in the pub near her home and to come and talk to me, I deserved at least an explanation from her, she came to the pub and we talked for hours, I said to her if I did cheat on you and knew you had 100% proof wouldn?t I own up to it cos I know that you got the proof but she wouldn?t accept it and although she was agreeing with my theories and explanations she is 100 per cent adamant that I have been unfaithful to her, I cant go on one minute not thinking about her, its driving me crazy, why wont she tell me what she knows? Thank you for listening to me! Its been like a month now and i still cant get over her!

Best Wishes
Carlos

[diana_holbourn]

I suppose it's possible that someone she thinks is trustworthy told her they'd found out you'd been cheating on her and she doesn't want to tell you because she thinks she wants to protect them. But maybe they were lying. Perhaps if someone has a grudge against you and thought it would be a good way of getting revenge on you for something, they could have told her. Or could someone fancy you and want to break up the relationship so they can try to start one with you? Or could you have been seen by someone cuddling another woman, perhaps to comfort them when they were upset, and it might have been completely innocent, but it might have looked to them as if you were involved with someone else?

Or could it be that your girlfriend may have been looking through some things of yours that you would have been angry with her for looking through, and didn't want to incriminate herself by telling you that, but there was something in them that she could have interpreted as a sign of you cheating, like an old love letter from someone that wasn't dated so she might have thought it was written recently, or a piece of clothing an old girlfriend might have left behind that your girlfriend might have thought must have been left recently?

Or could anyone have played a joke on you recently by doing something that made it look as if you had someone else, like slipping a pretend love letter or a pair of nickers into your pocket or somewhere among your possessions, and she could have found it without you realising? Perhaps she doesn't want to talk about it because she finds it too embarrassing or upsetting.

Maybe you'll find out why she thinks you cheated on her if you put several suggestions like that to her and ask if any of them are true. If you can think of someone who has a grudge against you or fancies you, perhaps ask if it was them who told her, and suggest motives as to why they might have wanted to tell her a lie. Perhaps eventually, after some questioning like that, she'll decide to tell you what really happened.