Alone

[Music lady]

I'm looking for the exit sign
I've been stuck in the dark for too long
Feels so lonely
Can anyone hear me?
Don't know how much more pain I can take
It hurts so much inside
When will the pain go away?

I'm further along this path than I've ever been
Yet it's getting harder and lonely
I used to be able to reach out to other survivors
Now I feel beyond their help some of the time
My dad's words keep going round
'No one likes you'
My Counsellor is kind to me
Recently, I've wondered why she's nice to me

Helping others is what used to help me feel better
Now, I start to type a reply
Then the words just disappear
So I can no longer type
Please let the exit door be around here somewhere....

[myhome]

Hi hon - sorry you're feeling so low.....the exit route is not a good one to take - it's far too permanent. sadly the road to recovery is not an easy one with many ups and many downs, but the general trend is upwards. If you look deep in side you and at your life, you will know that your dad's words are nothing more than spite and completely untrue. We are here for you and will help you all we can.....

[Music lady]

Thanks MH for the much needed hug and reply. Really needed it.

I'm not considering the permanent exit. It's just that my thoughts tend to go that way. Just feels sometimes it's the easier option not to have to deal with everything. I know that ending it isn't even an option because my children would be permanently scarred by it and I couldn't do it to them or hubby and my friends.

Just feels so tempting sometimes. Just wish this journey could be less painful. Just feels never ending at the moment. Feel worse since sending my counsellor That Letter. I was hoping I'd feel better after sending it. Still, I guess that's all part of the process. Hopefully after Tuesday I'll start to feel better.

I've been looking into positive coping strategies for when I feel like this. I'm finding writing these feelings out is helpful or posting on here just to vent.

Hope you're ok MH. I really hope your nightmare is over for you soon.

[Rights Fighter]

I can so relate to your words Music Lady, for different reasons. You seem to have a gift for inspirational writing. Keep up the good work!