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  • #31
    Hi CIGW - and a belated welcome tot he forum from me and very sorry you have had to find us....you've been given some fantastic advice from everyone.

    My case is also historical (23 years ago would you believe against me and exbf - not had any contact whatsoever with the b&itch in all that time - I'm female btw). It is indeed so frustrating that we sit here knowing that this is all so ridiculously far fetched but plod have a duty to investigate. Mine has been going on 8 months on Monday and likely to last another year - haven't even been arrested - which is a good thing....

    Adding to the great advice you've already been given, I would say that one of the hardest things (of many hard things) to cope with is the massive swings of emotion from elation when you believe nothing will ever come of it - to deep deep despair when you think you'll end up in prison. There are various remedies which help - prescribed and homeopathic. Some people swear by 5-HTP or Bach's Rescue Remedy available from natural food places. if you aren't happy with your counsellor - who should be helping you a lot more than sympathising, then maybe your GP or CMHT can recommend another one.

    We'll help all we can so keep posting and asking questions - it's rare to find one that one of us can't answer........
    "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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    • #32
      [QUOTE=Seeking Justice;42271]It does get better as time goes on.

      However, I always say hello to the OIC and prosecutor, they are nice people and are just fulfilling a function i.e. to do everything in their power to prove guilt.

      Would you mind if I asked why you see your OIC and prosecutor. Please excuse my ignorance in this - it never occurred to me that we would see them at any time after a charge is made????

      I am still waiting for lots of evidence and my trial is nearly here. My solicitor tells me it is very common and he would not be surprised if we do not receive it at all, and the trial will go ahead regardless.

      This is just so hard for you...... I would have expected that all information would be freely available, otherwise it is a very uneven playing field. I know that is stating the obvious but I am hating all these revelations. It so takes my confidence out of the justice system.

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      • #33
        [QUOTE=myhome;42273] if you aren't happy with your counsellor - who should be helping you a lot more than sympathising, then maybe your GP or CMHT can recommend another one.

        The counsellor was very nice and listened well and understood my emotions. However - she did only really sympathise. She did suggest a book to read which I think helps with coping mechanisms. I thought I was only entitled to 6 sessions? I've had five. What is a CMHT?

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        • #34
          Hi can it get worse

          Following a charge there are often numerous hearings before a trial takes place. It obviously varies as all cases are different, but i have had 4 hearings so far - including initial magistrates, then the plea hearing in the crown court - another hearing for disclosure and a directions hearing.

          The outstanding evidence is called ''additional evidence''. I too was shocked that they did not have to serve this. It depends what area you are in, but the CPS are known for being very slack all over the country.

          My solicitor said that if they do not serve it then it may put doubt into the jurors minds, but the trial will go ahead. That seems to be the way that things are going at the moment, but then again, i am very pessimistic about the system based on my experience solely, so perhaps other people have had a good experience being on the receiving end of a rape allegation in our criminal 'justice' system!

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          • #35
            I thought I was only entitled to 6 sessions? I've had five. What is a CMHT?
            6 sessions is a start usually for Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT). Some counsellors will extend this if they think there is a need. Your counsellors should be able to give you coping strategies too.
            CMHT is Community Mental Health Team - you can be referred by your GP. Don't be fobbed off by them if you think you need further sessions...
            "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Seeking Justice View Post
              Hi can it get worse

              Following a charge there are often numerous hearings before a trial takes place. It obviously varies as all cases are different, but i have had 4 hearings so far - including initial magistrates, then the plea hearing in the crown court - another hearing for disclosure and a directions hearing.

              The outstanding evidence is called ''additional evidence''. I too was shocked that they did not have to serve this. It depends what area you are in, but the CPS are known for being very slack all over the country.

              My solicitor said that if they do not serve it then it may put doubt into the jurors minds, but the trial will go ahead. That seems to be the way that things are going at the moment, but then again, i am very pessimistic about the system based on my experience solely, so perhaps other people have had a good experience being on the receiving end of a rape allegation in our criminal 'justice' system!
              Oh no..... sounds complicated. Why so many hearings? Does it mean that if someone is charged it could still not go to trial? I assumed that if CPS decide to 'charge' there is supposedly enough evidence for conviction and therefore how can it not go to trial. I am so confused as in our case, it is only one persons word against many other people's words. Is that deemed as enough evidence? Especially when others can 'vouch' for the defence. I would appreciate your/anyone's explanation of why all the hearings & what they mean.

              Incidently, we had nice day yesterday (well as nice as they can get when this is over us) but today felt yuk and sad. Really fed up with this and want some good news soon. Wish we knew what was going on behind the scenes - it is so cruel to the innocent people & their families and friends.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by myhome View Post
                6 sessions is a start usually for Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT). Some counsellors will extend this if they think there is a need. Your counsellors should be able to give you coping strategies too.
                CMHT is Community Mental Health Team - you can be referred by your GP. Don't be fobbed off by them if you think you need further sessions...
                I don't think any coping strategies were given except for a book that was recommended. Not sure whether I want to see Mental Health Team - the route of this is only due to a FA. Take that away and life is great. I am sad because of this - wouldn't anyone. And the possible consequences are unthinkable - nobody can be positive about that. My husband provides a stable, protective, secure life for all in his family. He is needed & loved by us all. He is not guilty and the real crime is the effect it is having on us, our parents, friends and family.


                And guess what I'm NOT crying!! - I'm just angry this time. Like many of you have said - loads of emotions come into force. It is very tiring. I wonder what sort of day we will all have tomorrow? 'Big sigh'.

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                • #38
                  All cases are different so I cannot really comment about whether the amount of hearings I have had is ''normal''.

                  I should think you will have at least the Magistrates and the plea hearing as that is just procedure. So I would say at least three hearings (Magistrates', Plea and Trial) and probably more as they may need disclosure, such as CCTV etc.

                  The unfortunate thing about a rape trial is that it often comes down to one person's word against anothers, and there is no concrete evidence.

                  Therefore it is right they can pursue a prosecution with no hard evidence at all, just the word of one person is enough for them to take it seriously.

                  This is why it is so easy to get a miscarriage of justice, and a malicious prosecution by the CPS because of the current political climate and witch hunt.

                  I would not worry yourself too much at the moment however, as other people have said it will get better in time. In my case it has become a lot better and since I was charged the case has unravelled piece by piece and I fell more confident every day of an innocent (not guilty) verdict.

                  This will not last forever and, although it is probably not what you want to hear at the moment, I am sure you will become a stronger person for it.

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                  • #39
                    Let us not worry at this stage about hearings etc, as it may well not get that far.

                    One piece of advice I always give new members is try not to be bogged down in threads and other cases; as has been pointed out; every case is different, so there is no real 'norm' to the way these things go.

                    Take this process one step at a time.

                    If there is a charge there will be plenty of time for us to advise on the next steps. For now, concentrate on taking WhatsGoingOn's fantastic advice and, moreso, as myHome rightly discusses, keepingyourself healthy.

                    Welcome to the forum
                    "Be sure your sin will find you out"

                    Numbers 32:23

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                    • #40
                      Not sure whether I want to see Mental Health Team - the route of this is only due to a FA. Take that away and life is great. I am sad because of this - wouldn't anyone. And the possible consequences are unthinkable - nobody can be positive about that.
                      Absolutely right - but the thing to remember is that any ill health, whether physical or emotional usually starts with a "trigger," e.g. a cold will start with a virus; bronchitis will start with catching a bacterium; depression starts with a chemical imbalance in the brain which is often caused by a traumatic "life event," such as what we are all going through now.

                      I work in the field of mental health and there is a huge campaign started by the last government, called "Time to Change" (brill website) whose aim is to reduce the stigma attached to mental health and to make it an ok thing to talk about... I am currently under the care of my Community Mental Health Team- comprising a Consultant Psychiatrist and Community Psychiatric Nurse, and also 2 fantastic GP's. The diagnoses the Consultant Psych has given me are - Severe Reactional Anxiety Disorder; Severe Situational Stress Syndrome and Recurrent Depressive Disorder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (although I don't feel depressed!!!!) I don't think I would be able to cope and continue working and functioning without them....

                      It can help to look at this way......if you broke your leg, you'd go to hospital, have it repaired, put in plaster and be given crutches to help you cope better and continue with your life while your leg healed. When your leg is mended you put the crutches away.
                      Mental health is much like this - your brain is poorly because of the strain it is under (and as you say - whose wouldn't be?) and it could do with some support to help it get fixed - this can be medication or one of many "talking therapies" or counselling or alternative therapies. These will be like your leg's crutches - they will help you cope with the ordeal you are going through and when you are through the other side you can reduce the therapy/medication until you don't need it any more.... Ruby Wax is a great supporter of mental health and has a great saying, "Why is it that any organ of the body gets sick and you get lots of sympathy - except the brain?"

                      The longer this awful situation goes on and it can last over 18 months, the more important it will be that you receive help and support for yourself so that you are able to support your partner......

                      Just my thoughts.......keep strong babe.....
                      "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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                      • #41
                        Thank you MyHome for your very informative reply & I fully take on board what you have explained. It makes sense what you have said.
                        It sounds like you are receiving an excellent & thorough service. I cannot comprehend why people in our society have the vindictiveness to reduce others to this and this is not just the only effect it has.

                        I am overwhelmed by the support that people are providing on here.

                        There is more I would like to ask you about your comments but will wait until I can PM if you are ok with that?

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                        • #42
                          Hi CIGW - yes the support I have is fantastic......and I couldn't do without it.....

                          More than happy about sending me PM's when you're able to........
                          "Only love can light the mirror of your soul" - Chris de Burgh

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                          • #43
                            Hi MyHome,

                            Just read the latest posts on 'erin' - just unthinkable......... don't know what to say. But it's got to be good news tomorrow.

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                            • #44
                              Reading about Erin has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. There is a rawness to his words that leave you in no doubt as to the depth of his suffering.

                              All this because of a liar - there are no words to describe what I think of such people.

                              Praying for good news.

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