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  • #16
    Originally posted by can it get worse View Post
    Crying again!!
    This is a completely natural reaction, but... crying and depression sap your energy and make you more vunrable and unable to fight - you will need to find ways to overcome this. There are many alternaitve methods eg relaxation, homeopathy, plant teas etc, a healthy lifestyle which can be used and can be a great help.
    Alternatively, you can go and see your GP who may want to prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anx for a short time and may be able to get you to see a councillor to help you cope.

    Take care

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    • #17
      "Crying again"

      I can be determined, even a little hard-faced now, sceptical and always driven but a kind word or deed or a message of support reduces me to tears . It's normal.

      Taking charge is good for two reasons, statements are just words on paper but you both know the people, their background, may uncover a motive and so on. The other reason is that psychologically it is good for you to fight back - it gives you a purpose and some feeling of control at what is one of the worst times of your lives.

      I think the waiting can be cruel and damaging, although my hub has been charged after giving a 'no comment' interview we are glad to have a Court date now.

      The police can be very friendly and helpful - I wouldn't trust them an inch. All our screenshots, emails, texts and so on have gone solely to our legal team so Hub's FA has no chance to alter her statement before court. Once her statement is entered at Court, that is it. It will still be her word against his ultimately but we hope we have enough to make it obvious it is a malicious accusation.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by whatsgoingon? View Post

        1.Taking charge..... read all the other threads concerning historic rape.

        Write the following down, safeguard on USB key or notebook and keep in a safe place. If his computer and phone haven't been taken away, store anything you want to keep in case they are.

        2. Try and identify the time space the allegations were supposed to have taken place/ What was going on in his life/ are there definate events he/you can refer to/ who were the people you were closest to (these may later be useful as witnesses) and any thing else you think significant.

        3. Describe the relationship your partner had then/ has subsequently had with the 'alligator' . How frequently did he see her? Was it always in the presence of other people? Is he still in contact with these people? What was her attitude to him? Did that change over time?

        4. Possible reasons for a motive - these may be personal eg he's in some way damaged her ego/ you've recently had a baby, or nothing to do with him
        eg. she's in financial difficulty ( victim support could hand her up to £16k whether he's convicted or not), she's suffering from some sort of dilusion which could be part of a mental health problem.

        5. Recent contact he's had with her... is there any trace of text messages ofr phone-calls? If so these should be safeguarded.

        6. Socail media... FB etc. I'm not sure how yoour partener or yourself going on her page fits in with his bail conditions, so you may want to get someone else to do it.
        Is there any mention in her recent postings of your partner or her allegations? What seems to be her frame of mind, general conduct and financial situation? Are there any significant pictures? If so these should be screen -shot and saved.

        7. Last but not least...... Start looking for a solicitor who specialises in historic allegations - you'll get a list from the 'sticky 'Specialist solicitors'.

        I cannot stress enough how important it is to seek the advice and be defended by a specialist solicitor.

        There are still a few excellent ones who do legal aid if you think you may be entitled to it. It's best to get someone in your general area though if you're paying yourself and he/she is prepared to travel that would be charged to you. Most solicitors are prepared to have a first contact without charging. In any case, your partner should not be interviewed by the police without a solicitor present.

        That's quite alot to be getting on with.... You're in charge... right?

        All the best
        Wow that's really helpful - you have touched upon some very good points - and many of your points are extremely relevant to our case. Me and partner (& many others) already gone over lots of these points & without going in to details, it all 'proves' how unrealistic this allegation is. I would love to discuss more details with you but not ok with posting stuff on here due to the obvious!!! It seems the profile of our 'alligator' is a common denominator throughout many of these cases. And it can be seen thru so easily.

        In respect of choice of solicitor etc., I've done some homework on that and had discussions with a specific one. I believe this is the right choice as their reputation is supreme. But I dearly hope it will not come to that.

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        • #19
          I'm happy for you to PM me, but I'm not sure you can do so yet. Also, as it's to do with historic allegations, by posting a bit more info (but not giving identifiable detail), you would benefit from the advice to be had from others who are or have been in the same position as yourself and your partner/hubby.

          Although you don't really need one unless you're charged, it's a good thing to have a specialised solicotr lined up because the police may call your partner in for interview/ do a dawn raid etc and it's in your interest to have one you can turn to who you know you can trust.

          Since my son was falsley accused (tried and found NG) I keep his sol's card in my bag at all times. The whole process has opened my eyes irreversibly.
          Last edited by whatsgoingon?; 12 July 2013, 11:37 PM.

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          • #20
            Thank you 'Whatsgoingon? and 'Is there justice?'. I've had a few counselling sessions but unfortunately don't feel they helped much. Yes it was good to talk to someone (and yet another person who can identify the ridiculousness of it) but at the end of the day, she can only say stuff like 'oh dear, this must be awful for you'. And yes you guessed it ...... I cried a lot. Wonder if I should change my username to 'cryalot'!!! We are in this lonely place where no-one really can resolve our problems. I think we have both had nice protected lives and when minor problems have occurred in the past, there is always someone who can really be relied upon to help and sort it. But now we find ourselves in this nightmare which we can't wake up from.

            Clearly from this forum & the world, there are many many genuine, lovely kind people. Sadly, there are others in this society who need to ruin it for others.

            I've tried a herbal tablet occasionally and have had some days where I've felt a bit better but not sure if that was down to just having a better day or the tablet.

            FIGHTING BACK - I am doing the fighting back in my head with the full armour on, ready to conquer.

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            • #21
              It is very hard to speak to people who really understand. That's what's so good about this site. There is also a helpline called FASO you can ring. I'm not sure about the days/times etc. http://www.false-allegations.org.uk/faso-help.html

              Glad to hear you've got your fighting armour on... honestly, you can't rely on just being innocent and the truth prevailing with these accusations.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by whatsgoingon? View Post
                I'm happy for you to PM me, but I'm not sure you can do so yet. Also, as it's to do with historic allegations, by posting a bit more info (but not giving identifiable detail), you would benefit from the advice to be had from others who are or have been in the same position as yourself and your partner/hubby.

                Although you don't really need one unless you're charged, it's a good thing to have a specialised solicotr lined up because the police may call your partner in for interview/ do a dawn raid etc and it's in your interest to have one you can turn to who you know you can trust.

                Since my son was falsley accused (tried and found NG) I keep his sol's card in my bag at all times. The whole process has opened my eyes irreversibly.
                Yeah don't think I can PM yet...... will look in the FAQS tomorrow. Not really sure what info to put on here. I think it would be beneficial to pour out a bit more but bit scared at this point. As my partner is under arrest, is it likely that they would do a dawn raid, especially considering the allegation is of an historic nature?? We have solicitor of good reputation, so feel comforted by that.

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                • #23
                  Yes looked at FASO website and some others - However, they do not provide light at the end of my once naïve light tunnel. Some good informative stuff on there. Not what I wanted to find at all and full of the reality of our experiences. Up until recently when this whole situation erupted, we were in total ignorance of the world of the False accusers. As I guess most of us are until we are at the receiving end of one.
                  Although I can't sleep at night due to the actions of this individual..... at least I can rest easy without a guilty conscience. But it seems some people have no conscience. So they probably get more sleep than the ones whose lives they are turning upside down. And added to that they are also getting all that attention by playing the role of 'victim'.

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                  • #24
                    Hello there CIGW, and welcome !
                    Its not a good place to be but the best for help, advice, and support. This site was and still is a our lifeline.
                    If you give a brief outline of your case leaving out any identifying info ...thats usually fine.
                    I have been around here for a while and my hubbies case was also historic. Just to reassure you, its highly unlikely that there will be a dawn raid, its more usual for the accused to be called back to the station for further interview, As your partner is on bail its more likely he would be further interviewed on his bail date.

                    Take time to read some of the cases on here, you can learn a lot by just having a quick read, bear in mind that every case is different and not all you read will apply to your case.

                    Its a hard rollercoaster to ride with emotions all over the place, keep posting and I am sure there will be someone around when you need help.

                    There is an end to the nightmare eventually, but plod don't rush...and don't keep you informed of whats happening either, keep strong and spend some time building a defense. Try to remember what was happening around the time of the alledged crime, jot it down in a book so you don't forget it.

                    Don't be a sitting duck...Fight the best you can ! LP
                    Together We Can Beat This Hell

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Goodmorning LP & everyone.

                      Firstly I want to thank you all for taking the time and effort in all your replies. I am warmed & touched by your support. But constantly saddened by our own experiences and the experiences that people on here are having.

                      I have spent many hours and will continue to do so reading the many threads on here and feel I already know some of you. I can identify myself with some of the stories and so upset for the ones who are going through this for the their sons. Our situation is historic and the accuser states it was not against her will. However she was not of a consensual age when the alleged relationship took place. This is a highly ridiculous accusation due to the timing of it and various other factors during this period. And also my partner would not partake in this anyway but I accept the police do not know his personality so cannot take that into consideration. However, they are able to evaluate facts. My worry is that they will take her word against the truth of many others who had the opportunity of providing them with facts which would show her to be a liar.

                      He has already been re-bailed a few times, holidays (I know people all have entitlement but we are left with that horrible waiting), CPS wanted to consult with a colleague. I have read on here somewhere that if CPS consult with colleague, it only means that they have doubt. Can anyone clarify this ? That would be great but daren't think this way if that is not the case. We try to search for the positives in this...... We hardly dare be positive just in case it gets worse and the fall is higher. The length of time it is taking feels that they definitely are going to charge. Then could it show they are doing proper investigation (which would be the right thing to do) Our lives are on hold while the have 'no rush'. We go out and 'enjoy' family life shrouded by this black shadow.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by can it get worse View Post
                        CPS wanted to consult with a colleague. I have read on here somewhere that if CPS consult with colleague, it only means that they have doubt. Can anyone clarify this ?
                        Hi,

                        One CPS lawyer can authorise a prosecution for rape but two specialist prosecutors must both agree to get a case discontinued, perhaps this is what you were thinking of?
                        'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

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                        • #27
                          So is that positive news for us? Or do they often consult with their colleagues?

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                          • #28
                            It depends of course what the consultation is about though any discussion usually implies doubt which in these circumstances has to be a positive for you. (just realised that this is what you have already deduced in post#25!)
                            Last edited by Casehardened; 13 July 2013, 03:08 PM.
                            'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by Casehardened View Post
                              It depends of course what the consultation is about though any discussion usually implies doubt which in these circumstances has to be a positive for you. (just realised that this is what you have already deduced in post#25!)
                              Well not actually deduced - I'm constantly trying to read positive things into everything......but don't want to be oblivious to the fact that it could be a negative. So I never really come to a conclusion either way and still continue to analyse and despair. But it is always great to hear someone else confirm something if you know what I mean.

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                              • #30
                                It does get better as time goes on.

                                If a charge is made (which it hopefully will not be) the case will go to trial and the OIC and prosecutor work hand in hand to secure a conviction. Of course they want a conviction, especially at the moment with the political pressure, and because of how busy they are, it would suit them down to the ground if they did not have to take this to trial - they tried to scare me into pleading guilty and said some awful things.

                                However, I always say hello to the OIC and prosecutor, they are nice people and are just fulfilling a function i.e. to do everything in their power to prove guilt.

                                As with all other areas of litigation, dirty tricks do happen such as not presenting certain evidence etc and, although it certainly is not (i think) the case for all Police/CPS it simply is not worth trusting them an inch!

                                I am still waiting for lots of evidence and my trial is nearly here. My solicitor tells me it is very common and he would not be surprised if we do not receive it at all, and the trial will go ahead regardless.

                                As people have mentioned above, whether you are paying privately or through the LSC, you need to take the bull by the horns and know the case inside out.

                                My barrister is very good but i always remind her of certain things because i know the case better than anyone else. This may prove invaluable if the case goes to trial.

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