Falsely accused & in shock.

[can it get worse]

Hi anybody,

This is my first post and not sure how much information to give except it is an historic case. I have been reading this forum for a while and feel so utterly desperate for some support, encouragement and advice. I feel like there are so many of us in similar situations. My partner is on bail which seems to be going on for so long with no news except re-bails & waiting for CPS decision. We are so sad and cannot believe how wicked an individual can be. The effects of this is devastating.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Sorry to say it but welcome! Am sorry you are in this situation. There are loads of us here to help and listen. Keep posting!

take care

[can it get worse]

Yeah rubbish to be here!! And words cannot really describe how we all feel..... It is made worse by knowing we cannot do anything about it and our lives & destiny are partly in the hands of our accuser. Thank you for your reply ...... very kind of you and made me cry!!! (doing lots of that)

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi

One thing I learned on here, and that was from another member, is do not let this be in tha hands of someone else, i.e. accuser. At the moment, you are in a state of shock, completely understandable. I've been there, like most here have. But the initial shock will pass by. Then you need to sit down and write everything down, gather evidence against the accuser's allegations: Facebook posts, Twitter, emails, text messages and put them in a SAFE place. Take control into your own hands. Believe in yourself and although it is unfortunate to have to do it, prove your innocence!

You will get through this even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet!

[whatsgoingon?]

Hello CIGW, welcome to the forum , it is a hard place to be but as you've already seen, it's a minefiled of information and advice.

DBI has already given you some great advice - don't be passive. You can't assume that justice will be done because you and your partner know he didn't do it, and while the police are ther to investigate, sadly, they are already biased.

So when you get over the initial shock and trauma, you need to become pro-active, and that in itself will help to to realise that you can do something about it.

Btw .... Have you looked at the 'Stickies' under Useful Information?

Keep coming back....

[is there justice?]

Hi CIGW

I'm always dismayed to see a new face and it is almost a weekly occurrence.

DBI is entirely right, don't be passive, take charge. The police are only interested in convictions, after all that is their job, and justice is down to the Courts.

One person can wreck your whole belief system and the shock is overwhelming but it's normal. You aren't going mad, all the tears, sadness, anger, insomnia etc are par for the course.

This is one place you can come for advice, moral support, just to vent even, but always to be believed. Keep your chin up, you can get through this

Read all the stickies for advice then search for bananas for threads to give you hope

[can it get worse]

Hi

One thing I learned on here, and that was from another member, is do not let this be in tha hands of someone else, i.e. accuser. At the moment, you are in a state of shock, completely understandable. I've been there, like most here have. But the initial shock will pass by. Then you need to sit down and write everything down, gather evidence against the accuser's allegations: Facebook posts, Twitter, emails, text messages and put them in a SAFE place. Take control into your own hands. Believe in yourself and although it is unfortunate to have to do it, prove your innocence!

You will get through this even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet!

Thank you ..... I'm in tears again.....people are so nice and kind........You mention the initial shock. My whole shock & emotions are getting worse. My partner and I go over all the details and cannot see how the police could possibly believe it. The allegation is so far fetched, which if I could tell you all you 'would not believe it'. But we are still here at their mercy. Wondering what is going on. Thank you for taking time to write. It helps greatly.

[can it get worse]

Hello CIGW, welcome to the forum , it is a hard place to be but as you've already seen, it's a minefiled of information and advice.

DBI has already given you some great advice - don't be passive. You can't assume that justice will be done because you and your partner know he didn't do it, and while the police are ther to investigate, sadly, they are already biased.

So when you get over the initial shock and trauma, you need to become pro-active, and that in itself will help to to realise that you can do something about it.

Btw .... Have you looked at the 'Stickies' under Useful Information?

Keep coming back....

Hi - thank you for your reply..... it is a very hard place for every second of our lives. Luckily we have support from many, many friends and family but without being ungrateful, we just feel we are helpless and cannot control it at this stage. I have done lots of 'research' on the web and read the 'useful information' on here.

We are decent people and I would imagine that is clear when my partner and others have given statements. But feel very frightened by the possibility that the police are biased. I dissect continually what could be going on and sometimes feel positive as it seems so clear what a load of rubbish it all is but then feel so scared as this is still on going.

[is there justice?]

CIGW

Bless, the 'initial' shock lasts a good 4 weeks as does most traumatic shock. Many people find their GP very helpful and understanding so don't be afraid to go and see him or her if you need to.

Even when things settle slightly, you will still get very bad days (and nights) and re-bailing dates, charges, plea hearings etc are extremely unsettling but in between a that you will still enjoy good times.

[can it get worse]

Hi CIGW

I'm always dismayed to see a new face and it is almost a weekly occurrence.

DBI is entirely right, don't be passive, take charge. The police are only interested in convictions, after all that is their job, and justice is down to the Courts.

One person can wreck your whole belief system and the shock is overwhelming but it's normal. You aren't going mad, all the tears, sadness, anger, insomnia etc are par for the course.

This is one place you can come for advice, moral support, just to vent even, but always to be believed. Keep your chin up, you can get through this

Read all the stickies for advice then search for bananas for threads to give you hope

Hi - yes it really has been an eye opener for me to hear of so many people affected by horrendous & vindictive allegations. You commented about 'taking charge' - how do I do that? I feel so helpless - I don't feel I can keep ringing the police - would they look upon that unfavourably? I have read the 'stickies' and will look thru the bananas tonight. I know there are many success stories & truly hope we all get one.

[Don'tbelieveit!]

Hi

I can understand your concerns about the police. Many here have felt that they are biased. I do not share that opinion based on our experience with them to be quite honest. I found them to be very fair and they could not believe the ridiculousness of the allegations either.

Reading your posts reminds me of how we felt at the beginning of this nightmare. It will pass. It will take a while but day by day, you will gather a little more strength and then find yourself strong enough to fight. An that's what it is - one big and tedious fight.

Take care!

[Cabins_2011]

Hi - yes it really has been an eye opener for me to hear of so many people affected by horrendous & vindictive allegations. You commented about 'taking charge' - how do I do that? I feel so helpless - I don't feel I can keep ringing the police - would they look upon that unfavourably? I have read the 'stickies' and will look thru the bananas tonight. I know there are many success stories & truly hope we all get one.

Hi, the advice above is great and the comment about "taking charge" really does apply. I was found NG after a week long trial earlier this year. After my arrest I was bailed for 3mths and charged at the end of that bailed period. It really hit me and my family for six, but after that, my wife and I went into "fight mode" and we worked tooth and nail to gather as much evidence as we could, as mentioned above. This all proved very significant when it came to trial and it made us realise how important it was to not sit back, but to really go at it. That said, I had plenty of low times and my wife was amazing at helping to get us through it all. Hopefully you wont have to go that far but hang in there, and if you get a NFA then great but if not, then be prepared to really get into that "take charge" mode.

Gd luck.

[can it get worse]

Hi

I can understand your concerns about the police. Many here have felt that they are biased. I do not share that opinion based on our experience with them to be quite honest. I found them to be very fair and they could not believe the ridiculousness of the allegations either.

Reading your posts reminds me of how we felt at the beginning of this nightmare. It will pass. It will take a while but day by day, you will gather a little more strength and then find yourself strong enough to fight. An that's what it is - one big and tedious fight.

Take care!

I must say our experience with the police has been good. The OIC is very understanding but then I read on here that that may be just a pretence, so then feel sad that someone can seem genuine but really might not be?? And why have they not NFA'd my partner by now??? All very confusing and scary.

[can it get worse]

Hi, the advice above is great and the comment about "taking charge" really does apply. I was found NG after a week long trial earlier this year. After my arrest I was bailed for 3mths and charged at the end of that bailed period. It really hit me and my family for six, but after that, my wife and I went into "fight mode" and we worked tooth and nail to gather as much evidence as we could, as mentioned above. This all proved very significant when it came to trial and it made us realise how important it was to not sit back, but to really go at it. That said, I had plenty of low times and my wife was amazing at helping to get us through it all. Hopefully you wont have to go that far but hang in there, and if you get a NFA then great but if not, then be prepared to really get into that "take charge" mode.

Gd luck.

Yes great advice. Crying again!!!
Although we are so sad and traumatised, I am already in fight mode but as my partner has not been charged (please don't let it get that far) we have been told there is nothing we can do at this stage. It seems silly to be in this situation where we cannot fight our corner unless it goes to trial.

Thank you for your support - I don't feel any better as it hasn't gone away but help from you all is amazing. Crying again!!

[whatsgoingon?]

Well said, Cabins.... sometimes I forget what a hard road we trod, but Cabins, myself many others on here are through the other side, even though not so long ago we were near crumbling messes and in the depth of the horror of it all ( I speak for myself, at least).

1.Taking charge..... read all the other threads concerning historic rape.

Write the following down, safeguard on USB key or notebook and keep in a safe place. If his computer and phone haven't been taken away, store anything you want to keep in case they are.

2. Try and identify the time space the allegations were supposed to have taken place/ What was going on in his life/ are there definate events he/you can refer to/ who were the people you were closest to (these may later be useful as witnesses) and any thing else you think significant.

3. Describe the relationship your partner had then/ has subsequently had with the 'alligator' . How frequently did he see her? Was it always in the presence of other people? Is he still in contact with these people? What was her attitude to him? Did that change over time?

4. Possible reasons for a motive - these may be personal eg he's in some way damaged her ego/ you've recently had a baby, or nothing to do with him
eg. she's in financial difficulty ( victim support could hand her up to £16k whether he's convicted or not), she's suffering from some sort of dilusion which could be part of a mental health problem.

5. Recent contact he's had with her... is there any trace of text messages ofr phone-calls? If so these should be safeguarded.

6. Socail media... FB etc. I'm not sure how yoour partener or yourself going on her page fits in with his bail conditions, so you may want to get someone else to do it.
Is there any mention in her recent postings of your partner or her allegations? What seems to be her frame of mind, general conduct and financial situation? Are there any significant pictures? If so these should be screen -shot and saved.

7. Last but not least...... Start looking for a solicitor who specialises in historic allegations - you'll get a list from the 'sticky 'Specialist solicitors'.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to seek the advice and be defended by a specialist solicitor.

There are still a few excellent ones who do legal aid if you think you may be entitled to it. It's best to get someone in your general area though if you're paying yourself and he/she is prepared to travel that would be charged to you. Most solicitors are prepared to have a first contact without charging. In any case, your partner should not be interviewed by the police without a solicitor present.

That's quite alot to be getting on with.... You're in charge... right?

All the best