The aftermath

[John Doe]

Hi guys
No need to point out that I am new to this forum.
But by no means new to being a victim of a false allegation of sexual abuse against my two children (boy and girl) by my ex wife in divorce circumstances.
I have decided to join this forum as Google search does not satisfy my quest as to what happens down the road after having been falsely accused.
Down the road for me is approx. 10 years ago.
I spent 4 years in the Irish High Court pursuing to clear my name of this heinous allegation.
I won't go into any datail of my case but can tell you the I have been exonerated of all allegations.
( including rape allegations by my ex wife ).
My question is as follows and I would most appreciate your readers opinions.
My two kids are now aged 15 & 17.
They are both unaware of any of the allegations raised by their mother.
However. As my particular case was a high profile one, many of our friends and members of father groups etc know about it in detail.
Here is my concern.
I don't want my kids to find out from someone else about this allegation and then ultimately ask me about the truth of this matter.
At what stage and age should I sit my kids down and confront them with the truth ?
My ex wife has conveniently destroyed all documents relating to this case.
I however have kept every single page created.
Anyone falsely accused will be eventually confronted with the aforementioned.
Thank you for taking the interest.

[Faith]

It would be my belief that your children may be mature enough to be sat down and have this explained to them...it would be horrendous for the information to reach them through someone else. However, I assume you trust this friend so it is not urgent that you rush this revelation through
I'm sure you know very well that you will have to explain this with great sensitivity. Expect upset and anger and confusion from your children.

We can never fully advise if your children are ready to face this however. There are a number of factors that only you can know when deciding. However, if it is your decision to talk your children through this I would avoid the gritty details and just give a basic overdue. You do not want to make it unnecessarily traumatic

[JACKO]

They are not as young as they seem

Hi, I'm very new to this too but I think you should sit them both down and tell them, start with some background as to why you split up with Mum first.
They are old enough to know, and also old enough to react if they are told by a third party, which could go terribly wrong or them.

I divorced my wife when my daughter was 6 (I came out as Gay) and at 9 she came to me and said that she had asked Mum why we split up, and Mum said, ask your Dad. She was really understanding and also cool about it.

Good luck.

[John Doe]

It would be my belief that your children may be mature enough to be sat down and have this explained to them...it would be horrendous for the information to reach them through someone else. However, I assume you trust this friend so it is not urgent that you rush this revelation through
I'm sure you know very well that you will have to explain this with great sensitivity. Expect upset and anger and confusion from your children.

We can never fully advise if your children are ready to face this however. There are a number of factors that only you can know when deciding. However, if it is your decision to talk your children through this I would avoid the gritty details and just give a basic overdue. You do not want to make it unnecessarily traumatic

Thanks for your reply Faith.
And yes. My concern is how they will react to these disturbing facts.
They are both doing well in school and I would not want to upset them at this juncture in their life.
I have however left a dated letter with my solicitor in the event that they are informed by a stranger.
Thanks again

[Faith]

That's a good idea. Of course they will both be approaching curcial examination times. I must admit I hadn't considered that when I made the reply.

[Verity]

Hi John,
Welcome to the forum.
My hubby was falsely accused by his first born son of a one off act that never occurred and was a complete fabrication concocted by the boy and his mother.
(hubby's ex)

My hubby went to trial and we proved beyond any and all doubt that the allegation was utterly false.
Hubby has six children. The first born is persona non grata and forever will be. That is his punishment which will continue until he tells the truth and names who instigated the false allegation, why he went along with it (maybe a holiday and an electric guitar was enough to persuade him to go along with the 'plan of revenge') and who coached him as to what to say in court. He couldn't even get that right.

In three years time four of the five other children will be 16 and over. So hubby will then have the same conundrum as you.
I, like you have kept everything pertaining to the case as well as a copy of the interview we did for the BBC along with Xmas pressie receipts, letters and cards from hubby's mum to the children returned unopened by their mother.

I feel sory for the children as the truth will hit them hard especially as the lies their mother told them are in black and white and proven to be lies in a court of law.
How do we sort this horrendous mess and tell the children their nan died in Sept 2012 of cancer, made worse and hastened her death by the strain and distress of having her son, their father falsely accused by two wicked and vindictive individuals?

The only thing I can think of is to sit them down, open the large suitcase containing all the legal case papers and say read and decide for yourself.