I'm new and hoping to get friends/advice

[Emmalou]

I'm new and have suffered 2 different sorts of rape? The first is a long term abuse from a child and the second from someone I trusted? U have been dealing with this on my own until 18 mths ago when I met my partner? I'm scared that I'm piling to much baggage and finding really hard to talk about personal affects it has on me? So this is me hoping someone who understands my pain and heartache will be kind enough to be my friend and be a shoulder to cry on while ideal with all this?

[RFLH]

Hi Emmalou, so pleased that you found this forum - both I and another mod know how you are feeling. Keep talking - it does help.

[Emmalou]

He has been really good so far but there are little things that keep coming up and I'm not sure if can deal with it? Every time I try and approach parts of it he seems to get very angry about it? The last time was over 3 yrs ago and was by my then partner. It's this time that effects me more than the abuse. He was my partner and the one person I should be able to trust? I was pregnant with his child and my instinct was if I don't fight back it will be over soon and protect the baby? But I cnt deal with the fact I didn't fight back? It's not my nature to be the person who backs down? My childhood abuse taught me that! I didn't tell anyone and lost a close friend because I refused to get the police involved? But let's face it who was going to believe that someone who had been in a relationship with someone for 4 yrs previously and he was a popular well liked guy was actually raped? It would of been turned into everybody saying I was accusing because things where going wrong in our relationship. So I decided not to put my family tho the heartache and didn't want my little girl growing up with thought her dad was a rapist? It will be hard enough to explain why he's not around? But everyday things happen that remind me? I accidentally washed my partners wallet and ruined a picture that ment alot to him. I fell apart over it? There little triggers that freak me out that I cnt tell people because they dnt know? It's all inside and I'm ready to burst, just want my partner to put his arms around me and make me safe again?

[Saffron]

Hi Emmalou

Little everyday things can trigger huge emotional reactions. That is normal for someone who has experienced major trauma.
Have you been to see your GP? If not, I would recommend that you do. Your GP will be able to refer you to a cousellor which you might find helpful.

Keep talking - it's better out than in.