Christmas 2016

[Casehardened]

Dear Friends,

Those who have been part of our community for some time may notice that this message has a sense of deja vu and indeed I have lifted it straight from last year but after some more thought it seems to make as much sense this year as last....however rather than add a photo of my Christmas tree yet again I have used the one from the waiting room/buffet at my local heritage railway on the basis that this is in a suitably old fashioned setting.

On the one hand there are members for whom Christmas will forever be tainted with the most devastating news but there are also members who have had their burden lifted from them. Others, like myself, will celebrate the holiday with part of the family forever excluded, so it is probably safe to say that, for anyone who has joined this forum to offer and receive support, Christmases will never be the same again.

Then again for quite a few members Christmas is an important festival in the Church calender and cannot be ignored, whatever the circumstances.

After some thought I therefore want to wish everyone 'An Old-Fashioned Christmas' on the basis we can all look back in our memories to think of a time when Christmas had no other connotations or concerns for us.

[carrot tops]

I still think of my daughter every day and still love her, even though she is my sons false accuser. She has never moved away from the awful lies she told. I remember happier times though due to her complicated past life was far away from normal with her. There was a sense that she was a ticking time bomb but we hoped to undo all the damage done to her.

Part of me has wondered if I could hate her would this hurt less? By not hating her am I betraying my son who I love with my whole heart and have fought with my whole being for?We put her into care around this time of year when we hit crisis. That was before the allegations to police though she had made similar allegations earlier.

I see glimmers of my sons gentle empathetic side. It feels lost beneath a pile of hurt, anger, cynicism and experience I would wish on no one. I know I'm a different person and carry and live with a sadness I'm not sure will go. I know even to post this is a choice not to let the paranoia of " are the police or Social Services out to get us? Are they watching? "In some ways being pushed through such an awful experience makes me care far less about what could go wrong in life.

Thinking of all of you, whatever stage you're at and hoping we all get to a better place in 2017