Moving on and gaining closure

[standingstrong]

Hello everyone,

I am new here and found this website a little over a year a go when my partner had been falsely accused of sexual assault last June by one of my ex housemates. I lost all my uni friends who all took her side, had to move out of my house in about 24 hours and received blackmail style emails from her family as well as continual emotional abuse directed at me and my partner via Instagram - this is still on going.

I was in the final year of my degree and had only been with my partner for a year, that said I never doubted him for a second. We had the police involved, he was arrested at 4 in the morning and held/questioned for 12 hours. I eventually had to go in and make a statement and finally after 6months of hell, the police chose to pursue no further action and everything was dropped in December last year. I wasted no time in finding a lawyer and getting legal advice/aid and he was fantastic.

The reason for posting on here is I guess firstly to say thank you to you all, I've read many of your stories and although mine doesn't even compare a little bit to what some of you are going/have been through, your strength was a beacon of hope to a terrified 22 year old.

Secondly, the daft moo and her mother are posting nasty messages directed to me on Instagram which is deeply upsetting. I have blocked her and I don't look at her profile but my partner and I have worked very hard to put this horrible incident behind us and I feel that she will never let this go and do this for attention seeking. I ask you all what your coping mechanisms are? how do you stop living in fear that any day there will be a knock on the door?

Any other advice is welcome.

Thank you all so much. X

[Mr B]

Dewar SS & Partner.

Well unbeknown to me the wife (the FA) executed as second statement & ABE for our child. That raised a degree of anxiety after I was first NFA'd. The longer she goes on doing this the less credible she becomes. However, the Police will still take an actionable & consistent phrase to CPS & in the current climate trial if the daughter is making one. For the avoidance of doubt there was no assault in any manner or form.

So all I can hope is that my lovely now 5 yo daughter remains strong knowing what is right & what is wrong under the coercive control of her abusing Mother. Hopefully I can have some legal assistance from the Courts to protect her (the daughter) from this. I can look after myself.

As to coping, well I try not to think about the life I had before. My wife, house, home & to a degree my daughter. I am very careful around my thoughts & feelings for her. If not I will end up a blessed mess. You really do not want to tap into those feelings as I would not remain a free man for long.

So I would say avoidance & distraction. It will stay with you & hang over you for a long time. Solicitors words not mine. It seems to be ringing true.

My advice to the pair of you is that if you can both come through this together then you have had the roughest of times & weathered them. Stay together, grow older & wiser together. Choose your friends carefully together. Stay tight & close.

Kindest regards
Mr B

[Broken-hearted]

Hi lovey sorry to hear you are having a horrid time. There are a few members on here who have had all the nasty messaging etc. Have you thought about discussing it with the police? Maybe them having a word would be enough to silence it.

As for coping strategies just keep doing what you are doing try not to let them stop you living the lives you want to as ultimately that is what they want. If police aren't interested then the only other thing I can recommend is staying away from the things on which they are causing bother and hoping that before too long they get bored and stop doing it.

Unfortunately I think only time will make you feel better about the knock on the door. Many members are a long way down the road since it being dropped and have never heard anything further. Some have had further allegations. My nannas husband had allegations made about him when I was young (in 30's now) by his two daughters it was no further actioned due to insufficient evidence but then bought up again when they were in their 40's a couple of years ago and went to trial and he was found guilty. I can understand how anxious you must be about it as it's something that worries me for the future even though my partner is yet to get a decision as to whether he will get a no further action or be charged.

Take care of each other xx

[Franticwithworry]

It's never easy.

We haven't got to the point where you are yet in terms of getting past the limbo and then an NFA or trial. The idea of a false accuser still prodding and poking to get a reaction is abhorrent and it's a possibility I've given some thought to.

Blocking all social media is the best first step, and I have a mantra I intend to use if necessary -

'What someone else thinks of me is none of my business.'

It's probably harder to live by than to say, but I'm intent on trying. If it comes to physical harassment that I can't ignore, (things I can't block and ignore), I'd have no problems asking the police to intervene.

[Mr B]

FWW - please check out my latest post..details below:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...egislation-FYI

It may help.

Kindest regards
Mr B

[Franticwithworry]

FWW - please check out my latest post..details below:

http://www.daftmoo.org.uk/mooforum/s...egislation-FYI

It may help.

Kindest regards
Mr B

Thank you VERY much indeed.

[Mr B]

Thank Norwin Allen - I just brought it to the forum He made the Parental Alienation UK Facebook Group aware. I respectfully suggest there is a potential synergy between the two groups....

Well there is in my case & I feel there is nothing "rare" about the situation I face regrettably. Some laws are gender biased...(currently)
Mr B

[Franticwithworry]

I will. I do. But spreading the knowledge is also vitally important.

Regrettably, I have to agree with you in that there is nothing 'rare' about these situations. In fact it could be argued that what is presented as the ideal, or at least the norm, is 'rare', but that's probably a discussion for another forum.