Is signing a consent form/agreement a good way to prevent False Rape/sexual encounters??

[Arsenal12]

Hi everyone

I have been reading online about the subject of "signing a consent form" before having sex/activities with a partner.

Apparently top lawyers are stating that this is a great way to reduce a possible false accusation (s).
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news...re-sex-5116770

I have a personal dilemma like most people on this forum my trust values in humanity are at the limit.......

I am planning to meet a female friend of mine.....and to tell you the truth......we both have had sex in the past which has never been a problem..

And we have talked about having sex again... The only problem is like many members on here I have severe trust issues and scared of being falsely accused again....

some of you on this forum will no about my ongoing ordeal..(false Rape allegation by ex wife etc ongoing)

However I am thinking of signing this consent form (both of us would sign it)it is a generic consent form I found online...before we have sex...

It is very sad but this is what life and society have come to and I think this could be a good way to prevent False allegations...?

I also thought about doing a short video of the two of us confirming we have given consent and are about to have sex.

The only thing is I have not told her about my intentions for us both to sign a consent form...I don't think this should be a problem but she will probably think it is a little weird I guess.

What does anyone think about this??

Is this a good idea??

I would welcome any comments or advice

Thanks A12

[Rights Fighter]

This answer does not related to you specifically:

The problem is, if she (or he in relevant cases) says "yes" initially and then changes her/his mind or says "no" to a specific act but you/a person goes ahead anyway, then that would still be rape/assault.

[wakingnightmare]

Interesting idea but what happens if she says she only agreed to X and you did Y.

What happens if she says she was drunk and didn't know what she was agreeing too.

I totally understand your worries and that you're looking to protect yourself. What does this woman know of your current situation? Asking her to sign a disclaimer is a passion killer.

Circumstances here are allegations related to child so no unsupervised contact with children part of bail conditions- police have said it's a protection for Ex as much as any children. Although of course a child could lie and say alone and onus would be on him to prove otherwise. He's already said regardless of what happens he doesn't want to be alone with any child ever again because he doesn't feel he's got any protection.

It seems in relation to sexual offences anyone can say anything and be believed plunging innocent people into turmoil. I wouldn't feel confident a piece of paper would protect me if I was in your position, just my opinion.

[Arsenal12]

Interesting idea but what happens if she says she only agreed to X and you did Y.

What happens if she says she was drunk and didn't know what she was agreeing too.

I totally understand your worries and that you're looking to protect yourself. What does this woman know of your current situation? Asking her to sign a disclaimer is a passion killer.

Circumstances here are allegations related to child so no unsupervised contact with children part of bail conditions- police have said it's a protection for Ex as much as any children. Although of course a child could lie and say alone and onus would be on him to prove otherwise. He's already said regardless of what happens he doesn't want to be alone with any child ever again because he doesn't feel he's got any protection.

It seems in relation to sexual offences anyone can say anything and be believed plunging innocent people into turmoil. I wouldn't feel confident a piece of paper would protect me if I was in your position, just my opinion.

Yes it is a tricky one and of course it is a passion killer but what else or how else can innocent people protect themselves from this shambolic culture of false allegations...

She is a good friend and I have absolutely no reason to believe that she would even entertain the idea of making a false allegation......and yes she does know about my ongoing ordeal....she is very understanding... We did both have consensual sex in the summer last year....and it was awesome...... But I can't help but have this worrying feeling in my mind..."lightning striking twice scenario"

But then I again I thought the same of my so called wife who has made Malicious false allegation after allegation.......

The fact is I do not.....or a better description would be cannot trust anybody......especially a potential partner... Girlfriend etc....

But like many guys on here.......my trust in humanity has been severely wounded and is likely to remain so for the rest of my life...

You make a valid point about being drunk....etc....

Well in my case I do not drink nor does she.....

And that's why a video recording confirming consent would be beneficial......(perhaps it would show if intoxicated in video)

Apparently there are now apps people can download that record consent for both parties....to avoid false allegations

Stuck between a rock and a hard place springs to mind......

The falsely accused have to litterley tread on eggshells .....for ever...

[wakingnightmare]

The lack of trust isn't restricted to just the guys on here I will never trust anyone fully again. I've already found myself stopping my children doing perfectly innocent acts and talking to them about protecting themselves. I dread to think how prevalent this culture will be in few years.

I assume summer was before the allegations. If you're good friends then maybe you should trust her without the paper and if you can't perhaps you're not ready ....

Sorry that's no help at all

[Arsenal12]

The lack of trust isn't restricted to just the guys on here I will never trust anyone fully again. I've already found myself stopping my children doing perfectly innocent acts and talking to them about protecting themselves. I dread to think how prevalent this culture will be in few years.

I assume summer was before the allegations. If you're good friends then maybe you should trust her without the paper and if you can't perhaps you're not ready ....

Sorry that's no help at all

Yes the culture these days is laden with a epidemic of false Malicious allegations

No it was after the False Allegations......

And no it is not a case of me being ready.......either...I guess you could call it.....trust issues......you see being falsely accused by a person you have not known for a long time....or do not have many connections with ie children etc is one thing...

I think the reason I find it so so hard to trust people is because my False accuser is my wife....the mother of my Children....... It is very very difficult to put into words how one feels when your own wife.....the mother of your children...the closest person to you....can steep so low and make up false allegations..... Etc

Sadly it is the damage caused by the evil people who make these false allegations.....that is irreversible... And although the physical damage....for example.... House..job....financially...one can bounce back.....and try and repair.....the physical damage....

But it is the mental damage thats caused....when we are falsely accused that is often irreversible...

Of course you are correct....women who are falsely accused go through the same pain...trust issues etc

[Shah]

It seems in relation to sexual offences anyone can say anything and be believed plunging innocent people into turmoil. I wouldn't feel confident a piece of paper would protect me if I was in your position, just my opinion

Well put walkingnightmare

[Lilyput]

I suppose from the other side of things a true rapist could forge signatures on consent forms and rape somebody and then say oh she consented I have the paperwork here.

[Arsenal12]

I suppose from the other side of things a true rapist could forge signatures on consent forms and rape somebody and then say oh she consented I have the paperwork here.

Yes you are all correct.. but as I have said the paper consent can be laden with obstacles after all its a piece of paper!....but a video recording giving consent is perhaps a clearer option.....whereby the couple would state time date, confirming these facts....etc

Surely getting some sort of consent proof is better than....none???? In this day and age!!

As the article emphasise's...

[Lilyput]

If written or recorded consent was needed Id say after sex was better e.g me and blah just had consensual sex on this date etc etc.
Though I'd have to say I'd be a bit insulted not to be trusted (I understand why in this day and age) but if a man were to say we're not having sex until you sign this I would probably would say if there isn't any trust here, it's best we don't anyway, if that makes sense.

I agree we need to do more to stop false accusations though. I think education is a big part, that sex on trial thing was good. I think as we educate girls they can be raped and to be careful putting themselves in certain situations we should also educate boys that false accusations do happen. I have a boy and he will be warned very sternly not to get drunk and have a one night stands or be alone in a room with a girl unless he fully trusts her, I know that's harsh but like you say it's this day and age.

[Arsenal12]

If written or recorded consent was needed Id say after sex was better e.g me and blah just had consensual sex on this date etc etc.
Though I'd have to say I'd be a bit insulted not to be trusted (I understand why in this day and age) but if a man were to say we're not having sex until you sign this I would probably would say if there isn't any trust here, it's best we don't anyway, if that makes sense.

I agree we need to do more to stop false accusations though. I think education is a big part, that sex on trial thing was good. I think as we educate girls they can be raped and to be careful putting themselves in certain situations we should also educate boys that false accusations do happen. I have a boy and he will be warned very sternly not to get drunk and have a one night stands or be alone in a room with a girl unless he fully trusts her, I know that's harsh but like you say it's this day and age.

I couldn't agree with your words more...

But having severe trust issues is one of the deep scars left after suffering so much heartache at the hands of a false accuser....

Perhaps I'm just paranoid....but these feelings left by the False accuser are life time damaging.....it's an interesting article though (in the link above)

[Lilyput]

Nobody would blame you! I think it's one thing to be accused when there was no sexual contact as you know you did nothing wrong but to be accused by someone you have HAD a sexual relationship with must make you question everything Big big hugs!!!

[Arsenal12]

Nobody would blame you! I think it's one thing to be accused when there was no sexual contact as you know you did nothing wrong but to be accused by someone you have HAD a sexual relationship with must make you question everything Big big hugs!!!

Yes indeed lilyput i could not agree more.......thank you...

[hello88]

i was thinking about this a few weeks ago.... actually because i saw something about domestic voilence and them putting a black mark (i think on the palm of there hand) so if they come into contact with police or someone of authority they would spot it and know the situation.... that got me thinking.... whats stopping someone before (or maybe after) from taking a picture of the person there going to have sex with with markings on the hand (and picture of their face (or at least part face where they can definatly be indentified) with them showing the palm of their hand with symbols/letters saying they agree to consensual sex.. through the picture they might be able to see if drunk or drugged and see if not so would clear up those issues but you could have 3 symbols/leter for three different things i.e O = oral, I - Intercourse A = Anal - i mean majority of people have camera's on there phones these days so...

But personally i'm kind of against one night stands and short term sexual relationships and so is hubby.. but maybe even in a marriage where you've had a rough time and just got back pyshically together, might be good as well....

could be a bit of fun, go through you're phone when bored at work would bring a smile of the good times lol!!!

really thought hard about strongyl promoting something like this but then i thought as a Christian i really shouldn't 'promote' sex before marriage but if anyone else wants to steal the idea... feel free to!!!

h xx

[Lilyput]

i was thinking about this a few weeks ago.... actually because i saw something about domestic voilence and them putting a black mark (i think on the palm of there hand) so if they come into contact with police or someone of authority they would spot it and know the situation.... that got me thinking.... whats stopping someone before (or maybe after) from taking a picture of the person there going to have sex with with markings on the hand (and picture of their face (or at least part face where they can definatly be indentified) with them showing the palm of their hand with symbols/letters saying they agree to consensual sex.. through the picture they might be able to see if drunk or drugged and see if not so would clear up those issues but you could have 3 symbols/leter for three different things i.e O = oral, I - Intercourse A = Anal - i mean majority of people have camera's on there phones these days so...

But personally i'm kind of against one night stands and short term sexual relationships and so is hubby.. but maybe even in a marriage where you've had a rough time and just got back pyshically together, might be good as well....

could be a bit of fun, go through you're phone when bored at work would bring a smile of the good times lol!!!

really thought hard about strongyl promoting something like this but then i thought as a Christian i really shouldn't 'promote' sex before marriage but if anyone else wants to steal the idea... feel free to!!!

h xx

It's a cool idea but I guess the issue is the changing mind thing again. I agree with you about one night stands etc. Speaking about christian values have you seen the film old fashioned? I watching it with OH the other day and the main man in it won't be alone in a room with a women he isn't married to. I mean that is a little extreme but I certainly think it's a good idea not to spend an extended period of time alone with a woman you don't know well and trust. Remember if you are alone with woman it's your word against hers.

I would say don't be paranoid but certainly be on alert. I'd certainly stay well away from anybody overly attention seeking or who comes to you with a sob story. My Oh listened to sob story 11 years ago now he is the latest sob story!