A word on Mental Health and FA.

[largactyl1]

There is a lot of confusion between Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and Bipolar Disorder. People's time would be better reading up about BPD and Bipolar, rather than looking at just Bipolar as there is so much misunderstanding re. Bipolar.

Just a few words on Bipolar Disorder - true Bipolar is an extreme and generally psychotic condition whereby ,for example, when on a high you might believe that you are the queen/Jesus (I've met many Jesus's),George Michael, or are living in heaven (when you totally aren't - haven't eaten in weeks and been caught by the police trying to set fire to you hair, walking around the city-centre (in January) in a pair of pyjama's and silver trainers (that was me).

However, when on a low, you are full of a tangible (to you) evil, filled with black blood, unable to run away from horrible scenes in yr head and you totally just want to die. Both extremes end up with a stay in yr local Mental hospital.

Bipolar is often mistaken for depression and also Borderline Personality Disorder - which is someone who has a lot of moodiness, unstable friendships etc. often tells lies, very believable as they often believe it to be true after a while of lying, often heavy drinker or substance user (not always), blows hot and cold etc.

I just wanted to raise this issue as many people (here, in magazines, on telly etc "Oh he/she is a bit Bipolar") confuse the two - or just that someone is not that stable. Bipolar is in reality a very extreme disease but generally does not lead to lying as such - maybe grandiose stories -, but always leads to the loony bin (otherwise you won't be diagnosed fully). The main problem with bipolar and FA, is (I believe) that drinking on anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers is ALWAYS a bad idea, as it really does mess with your mind and causes severe memory blocks - even when not that drunk.

Also Borderline PD effects mainly women (BPD). Bipolar is equally men and women.

Anything anyone wants to add/ask please go ahead. I have left out loads of info.

Love from
Jen

[RFLH]

thanks Jen, I'm guilty of being really ignorant on these matters.

[largactyl1]

Oh yes, people can go for years without a bipolar flare-up (I go a few months), but Borderline PD is lurking there under the veneer all of the time.

[fighter]

yes, thanks jen. I have to say I am also ignorant of these two things you pointed out. I realised I have not met anybody yet who is diagnosed of bipolar or BPD.

[Faith]

This is very useful as many people probably aren't even aware of BPD.
I did know there was a difference but I have learned something from your post and I am sure others will too.
It can be dangerous to miscategorise somebody and the mental battles they face.

[largactyl1]

Another thing is that a diagnosis of BPD is rarely actually given to the patient as it is viewed as a condition without cure (by some) as it is the personality of the person that is at fault.

However, with a lot of work BPD can improve their lives and relationships - I have a friend who has been on a programme of improving her condition and life for 5 years and she is doing brilliantly - just that she's actually has some stable friendships over this time shows a marked improvement.

If you think about it, a lot of people will know someone with BPD - you can tell as they are generally all over you and want to improve your life and smother you - and then some slight will send them into blowing hot and cold and being quite nasty and vengeful. You can see where I'm going between this condition and False Accusers I am sure.

Jen x

[friday]

A word of warning: People with mental health conditions are more likely to be victims of crimes due to their vulnerability. While some people with mental health problems will make false allegation others are more likely to be assaulted because their attackers know they are less likely to believed, they have a weaker support network, they wouldn't be strong enough to report etc.

If someone's notes state they are medication compliant and haven't shown symptoms of illness in the weeks proceeding or following the accusation then it is unlikely the illness has anything to do with the accusation (unless it is a personality disorder where moods can change very rapidly and therefore may not be seen by mental health professionals).

[cluelessandconfused]

Just wanted to say, that as someone who has BPD, I find the description above of the condition quite upsetting....

I understand, however, if you have no personal experience of it then it can be hard to truly understand.... Perhaps I could share my experience of it, and a little of the reasoning behind some of the commonly believed "typical BPD behaviours"....??


BPD isn't so much lurking under a veneer.... For me, i do experience intense reactive mood swings, which last rarely more than a few hours. These are one of the main reasons that relationships are often unstable, along with constant fear of abandonment/rejection, which can sometimes manifest in behaviour that is essentially "i know you'll leave me soon, so i'll push you away before you get a chance to push me". Essentially, our fears become a self-fullfilling prophecy, as we fear being on our own, but the way we respond to that fear is often by pushing people away and isolating ourselves!! When I say "we", i'm aware that is a mass generalisation, and by no means does everyone do this.

I have done it myself, but thankfully I have been lucky enough to have a certain degree of self-awareness so even before I started receiving help in coping with my MH issues, I had understanding of why i acted/reacted the way I did.



My birth father disappeared when i was 18 months, I was (violently) sexually abused as a child, from being 3 until being 11. My mother married someone i had never met before when i was 6, who was physically abusive towards me and very intimidating verbally and in his mannerisms. I classed him as my father, all the same. He then had an affair when i was 12, and left my mother in a particularly messy divorce, disowned me. I was groomed by and then in an abusive (emotional, physical and sexual) relationship with a close family friend (at the time, not once i was in the relationship, my fam saw through him and tried to warn me but i was trapped and refused to listen) who was several years older than me.

Other things have happened to me in my life that have all culminated in me holding the following "Core Beliefs" - the beliefs that other beliefs, thoughts, actions/reactions and emotions stem from - - that I am bad and unworthy of being treat decently, and that everyone who I care about leaves me.


This is where my problems stem from. I am not violent, i am not manipulative. And I would not dream of making such an accusation, of someone doing such a thing to me when no such thing occurred.

Often, those with BPD are seen as being manipulative because their needs are not being met, and usually due to trauma in childhood/early adolescence, they did not learn "appropriate" or healthy ways of seeing that those needs ARE met.

A lot of people believe BPD has no cure. That is not true. There are no tablets you can take that will fix it as there can be for (mostly) chemical-imbalance based illnesses such as Bipolar or certain types of depression. Rather, it is the result of a lot of years of unmet needs during formative years (specifically 0-5) and not learning appropriate ways to respond, act, etc. It is a case of "retraining" ourselves, though some medications can help - esp as high anxiety is very common with those with BPD, and this can lead to acting on impulse.

Through therapy, I have learnt these things, come to understand why these things were missing from my development, and learnt about my triggers, why they exist and how to manage them, and 99% of the time I do so effectively.


Also, those with BPD, are seen as being mosters, if i'm to be blunt. We are portrayed as being violent, volatile, and to be avoided at all costs. In reality, we're much more likely to isolate from others as in general we believe ourselves to be "the source of all badness in the world" and that everyone would be better off without us anyway, and to harm ourselves, not anyone else.




sorry, I really hope this doesn't come across as being aggressive, it's just something i feel very strongly about, as I'm sure you must all understand to some degree - not wanting to make assumptions, but perhaps the reason we are all on this forum in the first place? - just how damaging the stigma surrounding certain issues can be to individuals.



If anyone would like to know more about BPD - and indeed, there are a fair few studies and reliable articles where BPD and Bipolar are compared too - then I'd be more than happy to provide any information, links, etc, and i'd do my best to answer any questions anyone might have.


xx

[Faith]

Thanks for sharing that very personal account, very brave of you and was informative to read.

[Saffron]

Thank you for sharing that C&C. As Faith said, it was extremely courageous, honest and enlightening.
Thanks again.

[yoda]

Not sure what to say here without upsetting previous poster to this thread..

I'll say it anyway in the hope that it will help someone that has been fasely accused, no offence intended.

I've been doing some research on Bipolar vs BPD as the original poster requested. I'm now firmly of the oppinion that my wife(soon to be ex) present most(not all) of the traits of someone with BPD. It's helped me understand how all those things i've felt but have been unable to articulate really did exist.

I found this link and finally found the courage to follow it as i was trying to be very careful in my post NFA recovery.

http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

I'd been made to feel very unsupportive over the last 5 years when I know deep inside I'd been trying so hard.

I'd been told I'd been so hurtful yet in sharing the incidents no one else thinks they are significant.

Her experiance in domestic violance through her work was tuned on me although we rarley even raised voices.

She commanded our couples councilling by her emotion and i was made to feel so bad...Individual coucilling only caused her to "Split" seeing me as all bad.

Post "Splitting" she pulled the remaining good memories of our marriage apart.

Once their was nothing left our last meeting ended up in a false alligation.

I still love this women! But I see we can never be together I need to look after myself and my boys.

There is a women out there that will love me for who I am, I just hope I have the courage to love her!

[largactyl1]

Really enlightening post by c and c. Thankyou.
Kind regards
Jen

[floyd honeybuns]

i believe that my ex has either borderline personality disorder or has narcissistic personality discorder. Or a combination of the both.

[cluelessandconfused]

Not sure what to say here without upsetting previous poster to this thread..

I'll say it anyway in the hope that it will help someone that has been fasely accused, no offence intended.

I've been doing some research on Bipolar vs BPD as the original poster requested. I'm now firmly of the oppinion that my wife(soon to be ex) present most(not all) of the traits of someone with BPD. It's helped me understand how all those things i've felt but have been unable to articulate really did exist.

I found this link and finally found the courage to follow it as i was trying to be very careful in my post NFA recovery.

http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm

I'd been made to feel very unsupportive over the last 5 years when I know deep inside I'd been trying so hard.

I'd been told I'd been so hurtful yet in sharing the incidents no one else thinks they are significant.

Her experiance in domestic violance through her work was tuned on me although we rarley even raised voices.

She commanded our couples councilling by her emotion and i was made to feel so bad...Individual coucilling only caused her to "Split" seeing me as all bad.

Post "Splitting" she pulled the remaining good memories of our marriage apart.

Once their was nothing left our last meeting ended up in a false alligation.

I still love this women! But I see we can never be together I need to look after myself and my boys.

There is a women out there that will love me for who I am, I just hope I have the courage to love her!

I just wanted to say, i'm so sorry your STB-Ex has put you through this. I do not understand how anyone, regardless of whatever mental health illnesses or disorders they may or may not have, can put someone through the pain and torment that so many members here are experiencing/have experienced.

Also, I know you may take this with a pinch of salt - or not take it at all! - as it is coming from someone who has a diagnosis of BPD... But please, be wary of that site and the contents of it.

I know that an abusive ex of mine made that forum his home and set about with his horrific lies about me, justifying his abusing me because i was "just such a goddamn emotional wreck" and he believed that by ...well, by doing what the people here have been accused of doing.... to me.... it would somehow "shock" me out of my behaviour, my emotions, my thoughts, and my hatred and fear of him.

I'm sorry, i'm aware that this is starting to sound like a bit of a "oh, please pity me!" post - that isn't my intention at all, i just don't know how to explain without gving the tip of the iceberg that is the background between him and myself.


Also, another thing to bear in mind, is that a lot of the members, and indeed admin/mods on the forums.... "their Borderliners" as they refer to us, have very, very rarely received any involvement at all from any mental health professional, much less had a diagnosis. Often the members will see that the symptoms seem to fit, and they run with it, they assume that is what their ex had.

I can understand that, i think, to some extent. Perhaps it's a little easier to come to terms with being hurt so badly by someone you care/cared so much about, or just being hurt so badly by someone in general, if that person has an illness, and therefore a "reason" for doing it.... Well, it was a disgusting thing to do, but they do have BPD.... that kind of thing. Perhaps it softens the blow a little, i don't know.

Having not been in your position, I can only speculate, and hopefully have a discussion with you about it, if you are comfortable with that?

If you would like some information on BPD - which, tbh, will pain me a little to share as some of it is a little too honest, a little too close to the bone for me - but that is accurate, and fair ---- not written by someone who is possibly very bitter over the treatment they have received from said person with BPD, then i'd be more than happy to scout about a bit and dig up some links, articles, etc.
They would be by professionals, people who have studied BPD, worked with people with BPD, and mental health charities etc.

Wishing you well. xx

[yoda]

No excuse for abuse whatever the reason.

I've thought long and hard whether I'm using this BPD as an excuse or to help me feel better.

Now it's over all it offers me is some understanding and also wisdom as to what will happen next. I think she's has split and now hates me... all the book and websites use the word hates which now explain why she's now trying to move into my circle and is not keeping her distance, like a true victim would.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hatred

Last night I had yet another call from the police where she had objected to me asking a fellow scout leader whether she was helping or her son had started at another cub pack. I needed to know so I could avoid her! She seems to think I'm going to snatch her kids(no history of this at all).. She is paranoid and her line of work is feeding her distructive thoughts.

I'm intregued to understand more about BPD but i don't think it would be healthy for me. The only person that needs to know more is my "STB Ex".

It's the Splitting and actions to that that causes would be of interest to me now.