What are we doing to move on and improve our lives?

[friday]

Not sure if this is the right place for this but I wanted it to be open to everyone. I'm trying to stay positive and focused on the future so I though I might put the steps I'm talking and see if anyone else wants to join in.

-I am moving house
-I am volunteering at a mental health day centre
-I have just finished a counselling course and am waiting to find out if I have got onto the next one (I find out on Monday)
-I am going to set up a work area at my new place to do my psychology revision
-I am going to finish my level 2 mental health work qualification
-I am going to see my friends more for cups of tea and gossip
-I am going to see my family regularly once I move (I was not seeing my mum enough until I moved back in)
-Make the effort to become better friends with the people I have known as aquaintances for the last few years (don't suddenly stop speaking to everyone and hide away)
-Visit my friends at uni while they are still there (cheap holidays too)

These are all achieveable things and also things which will make me feel better. Has anyone else got any?

[MadMaddyMoo]

Not sure if this is the right place for this but I wanted it to be open to everyone. I'm trying to stay positive and focused on the future so I though I might put the steps I'm talking and see if anyone else wants to join in.

-I am moving house
-I am volunteering at a mental health day centre
-I have just finished a counselling course and am waiting to find out if I have got onto the next one (I find out on Monday)
-I am going to set up a work area at my new place to do my psychology revision
-I am going to finish my level 2 mental health work qualification
-I am going to see my friends more for cups of tea and gossip
-I am going to see my family regularly once I move (I was not seeing my mum enough until I moved back in)
-Make the effort to become better friends with the people I have known as aquaintances for the last few years (don't suddenly stop speaking to everyone and hide away)
-Visit my friends at uni while they are still there (cheap holidays too)

These are all achieveable things and also things which will make me feel better. Has anyone else got any?

Sounds amazing and very ambitious - Go for it but don't be disappointed to not achieve it all quickly. I hate cliches but I'm going to use this one 'Rome wasn't built in a day'. I've been here before myself. Here's what you need to do...

• Keep all of your goals and changes in mind (on the fridge is cool) all the time
• Be prepared for some set backs - bare in mind if you don't achieve these goals at first attempt it could set you back further than before.
• You are going to get highly sensative emotionally to your wins and loses, and the loses are going to kick wind out of your sails big time China!!

Ok that's the **** bit

With that in mind think about what you currently do when you're feeling pants, alone and generally pooped about your goals and endeavours (write it down it will help)
The think about how you want to respond to those trials - honestly the rose tinted glasses can have some fabulous feelings attached - tap in - these are the feel good positive factors that will get you over the knocksl.

Lastly - I hope you have a good friend or 6 - make sure they know what you're up to. Rome was neither acheived by one man no matter what they say! You need people to help and people who won't judge you if you make a bu&&er up with achievements in life. Believe you me - the one step in your way to these goals is only yourself. We always are the worst sabotures when it comes to our own journeys. (I never learn)

As for me -I am trying to be a better person. I've lost a lot since my hay days in London and struggled to adapt to marriage and SA life and not be selfish. I've been through a lot and the bad bit is I am very selfish at times in my emotional reaction to lifes batterings. I want to train myself to be more grateful for what I've got, what I've achieved and focus on using my strengths to make family and work life a success, and support my hubby in his endeavours more. I'm not a ***** in then open world, far from it, I am Mrs "can i do that for you?" but I do sometimes become one at home because I have long stemming emtional detachment issues and take people around me's emotions as less important as my own.

Have finally been able to realise the problems and why and am now training myself to be a bit more in control of my own emotions in order to accomodate others again like I used to in the homesphere.

It's never going to be fully achieved as this is one of lifes little glitches for humans. Self presevation instinct keeps us alive but its a ******* to keep in check when we are soooo supposed to be not selfish emotionally.

Well on that note. Blessings to you. If you ever want a chat, or comment on my ramblings please do. I'm loving peoples opinions of my adaptation of the emotional wrecks most human being are if they are truely honest!

[MadMaddyMoo]

and a bit more

I forgot to say - I can see the logic and talk the talk in achieving my own goals and sure I have more capitalist and materialist values I assure you, but learning to walk the walk is far far harder. I know that to achieve the material the substructure which is your person needs to be firing ahead. The body and the person inside are bloody different I can tell you. I guess what I am saying is don't be false in saying you are achieving your goals be honest about how you got there, is it making a difference, are you and your dependants happier and healthier etc etc Question everything and focus on the positive bits. The negative bits help us learn and shape us, but the positive feelings and outcomes are what are important.

Its not rocket science - but saying and really doing/meaning are the 2 hardest things to correlate when it comes to oneself.

[Rights Fighter]

MadMadyMoo - are you a spammer?

[LS]

Several questions to determine the answer:

1. What are the two groups this forum was set up for?
2. What do you want from this forum?
3. Name the Queen's youngest grandson.

If you answer all three satisfactorily, I'll regard you as not being here to sell something or to troll.

I, for one, am curious to know why you are here. Unless I'm missing something (and have suddenly gained the ability to read minds) you haven't posted anything here to identify you as being in one of the two groups this forum deals with.
This most certainly isn't the WI or an expat page, so if you're looking for humour, a get-together or a place to call home, this isn't it.
Most of us are here because a situation has been foisted on us.

[RFLH]

LS !!!!!

[littlemoo]

Friday, they sound like very good things to be doing.
Hope the house move goes well -a re you going to somewhere nice? I'm sure you've got lots of plans to make it nice.
The revision area will be really useful. the OU course i am on is always going on about having time and space for work, so shout if you want any advice and i'll dig some things out.
And friends are the best of all. i didn't realise how hard it can be to make new ones until i moved. I have got a few casual friends that i meet at things but am finding hit harder to make friends tht want to come round and gossip. I'm hoping that in time i will find some.

Jo

[littlemoo]

I like the suggestion of keeping these on the fridge or somewhere obvious so you can see them.

And since we are sharing positive suggestions. i am;
Volunteering at the museum of computing
Doing an Ou course in social sciences which i will try really hard not to get behind with.
Trying to be more open and friendly by email, facebook and forums
Try to phone my frinds a bit more - i don't like the phone a lot but it is def more friendly than email.
Try and get to know some local people better.

[Saffron]

What am I doing to improve my life....ooooh....LIttlemoo and Friday, you have put me to shame. Instead I will list the things I have done recently that have made me feel proud of myself.

I am spending a lot more time with my kids. I have just got back from a week away, just me and my 11 year old son. It was very very special to spend so much one-to-one time with him. Our relationship has developed to us being more like mates than parent and child, although we both understand that we both have responsibilities as child/parent.

I make sure I spend 15 minutes a day reading with my daughter. This sounds like a little thing, but life is so busy with work, school runs, homework supervision, housework, laundry and cooking that little things like reading with her have previously been shoved to the bottom of the list.

I have made a "leftover pie" for dinner tonight. Cobbled together from the remains of Sunday's roast chicken and veg, with homemade pastry. To be served with buttered cabbage. All from storecupboard items and leftover stuff I had in the fridge, so it makes me feel good that I have provided what is essentially a free meal for my family.

I am reading voraciously. In the past six weeks I have read The Crimson Petal and The White; Tender Morsels; Don't Tell The Truth About Love; When God Was A Rabbit, and Starter For Ten.

And last night I got 7 questions right on University Challenge. It's not as good as my best-ever record (17 questions right!) but I'm pretty pleased with it.

[littlemoo]

well done saffron. it doesn't matter how big or small the things are, if they are significant for you then then are important. And spending time with your kids is always a good thing.
Jo

[MadMaddyMoo]

Not a Spammer

MadMadyMoo - are you a spammer?

No I am not a spammer.

I'm not suprised my upbeat approach has been so scorned. Am used to it. I approach bad situations with some sort of positive outlook. Not everyone appreciates the approach but i thought I could add some valuable advice and mature outlook to peoples problems. Look lets go through a list of my previous ailing situatations and we'll see what the less adapatable think then of my approach and might see I have some things to share and advice to give;

Age 6 - abused, next doors son (go into at a later date)
Age 8 - Parents divorced (Dads first, Mums first - she goes on to have a couple more)
Age 12- Choose to leave Dad, to live with Mum
Age 15 - First serious relationship with a guy in his 20s
Age 18 - Move in with another guy
Age 20 - All sorts of substance abuse through Uni - led to some very bad addictive behaviour in later life
Age 20 -28- various **** relationships - one to another
Age 21 - beaten up and hospitalised by BF
Age 25 - drink drive following another cheating BF - hospital -sucide watch etc etc
Age 28 - meet hubby
Age 29 - Move to Africa
Age 30 - Give Birth
Age 31 - Here today to share the tales.

If i can get through that lot and a whole lot more - surely I owe it to those around to share, advice and try my way of looking at life?

How I got through, what councilling methods worked, what didn't, legal, practical etc etc

If the majority are against then please feel free to block me from this site. In this free world I know my approach is not for everyone, or the light hearted, or for those not committed whole heartedly to changing personal circumstance. I'm up front, tell it how it is and certainly advocate free speech. I do it in sometimes humourous manner because if we sit in the sludge of misery (even though that's where our hearts are) you'll never get out of that downward cycle.

[Rights Fighter]

I am sure than many of the people on here can add their backgrounds which would be equally as bad as yours - that doesn't mean we have to post it up here - people have enough problems of their own having been falsely accused of heinous crimes, without adding more to it.

You say you are used to your approach being scorned, Maybe it's time to think about changing it if people don't like it or feel uncomfortable with it.

[Saffron]

I don't think anyone scorned your upbeat approach. It's just that none of us were quite sure what your intention was. This is a forum for both rape survivors and those falsely accused of rape and you made no reference to either side. I for one wasn't sure why you were here.
Thank you for clearing that up.

People generally come here when they are at the very nadir of their lives, and in desperate need of support. I am sure you can understand why your almost effervescent posts were at the very least surprising.

[LS]

Me, I'm just working my way through the pharmacist's cabinet one drug at a time, whichever the psych puts me on.

Currently I've tried a number of antidepressants which did nothing. And now my psych's put me on Risperidone - an anti psychotic (not that I'm psychotic) to calm my mind down when I want to sleep.

The downside is that 1 in 9 people on Risperidone grow boobs (mainly men).

I can't wait for mine to arrive. Boredom may be a thing of the past, when they do.....

[Saffron]

ha ha ha! LS, you do make me chuckle.