drinking

[friday]

thanks for your support. i should just stop being silly.
i once looked into AA but didnt feel i drank enough to go...denial perhaps?
i saw a drug and alcohol worker for about 6 months cos i had to for my housing. talked about risk management, recognising the reasoning behind it etc but none of that really seems to help in the moment.
ive always been an extemist. i am either an insomniac or hypersomniac, i either don't eat or can't stop eating, if i self harm it can't just be superficial it has to be dangerous, whatever most people enjoy in life i seem to feel the need to do it so much more until it stops being enjoyable.
i am ashamed of stuff i have done and do but the shame seems to force me into situations that bring more shame.
my degree means everything to me but i have also learnt to work around the drink (or drink around the work). i wrote my best essays in the pub (i'm deadly serious) and i am now sober enough to attempt my essay and hope its finished in time to go out.

[friday]

^i havent got a cooker at the moment so even if i wanted to cook i cant. just got a microwave and kettle so its 8p noodles and choc soya milk for every meal

[RFLH]

you really do need your legs slapped!

There must be a counsellor out there that could help you. You do sound a lot like me in my youth, tell me no and I'll do it!

Have you any close friends or relatives that you can go to when you feel you're going to slip?

[RFLH]

Have a look at http://www.wilkinsonplus.com/Small-A...s76aYYKg%3D%3D

You'd be able to a lot with this.

[friday]

^i'm being really dense but what exactly can you do with that? is it like a toaster/oven so similar mechanism to a toaster but with more elements? so could you cook pies or veggie burgers in it for example?

this is how great the council are: they house nearly 20 young people with medium to high support needs in the same hostel. the hostel is mixed with women on 2nd floor and men on 1st so they have 3 rooms for vulnerable people so they are near the office. i am on the ground floor because i am terrified of going through the mens floor to get to the womens floor and given that most of them have drug addictions to crack and/or heroin/are on probation (or both) you can prob see why.

now the council decide that the staff kitchen and bathroom (including shower) need refurbishing (bear in mind they are not live in staff. surely a kettle, toaster and microwave would do?) so the people on the ground floor had no kitchen at all (not even a microwave) for weeks. we now have a microwave alone. they expect us to go upstairs to use the kitchen when they are aware of why we are on this floor. its insane.

and to top it all, do you think any of the residents kitchens, bathrooms or communal areas are being refurbished. of course not.

RANT OVER
sorry

[friday]

i have a therapist but our time is coming to an end. unfortunately i have a habit of missing appointments when things get rough. its one of my "warning signs" and you guessed it, ive missed a fair few. addictions counsellors tend to see i have stopped x but started y. only one dr ever noticed that. when i was in hospital i didnt cut for 3 weeks (this was a huge thing cos i was spending most nights in a+e) but he noticed that i had almost completely stopped eating. i just have to find something positive to become addicted to. i used to bake ti calm me down but no oven makes it a bit tricky!

[Saffron]

Friday, have you thought about buying a slow cooker? they are really useful if you have limited space. Great for casseroles and stews (lentils of course!) Just an idea. Hope you are doing OK.

[friday]

old thread resurrected! i moved in january to a supported housing shared flat so i have a kitchen now and no heroin addicts/violent criminals to stop me going to use it. also i'm back with my ex so i have his kitchen too

[Saffron]

YAY!! Glad you are more settled. Presumably you feel safer in the new place.
Your ex sounds like a nice bloke. Although presumably he is no longer your ex?

[friday]

no, he is no longer my ex but just wanted to highlight it wasn't someone new. he is lovely and i have no idea why he has stayed around after everything i have put him through.

my new place is lovely. my room is tiny but its a much better atmosphere so i can live with it. plus its in a brilliant central location. it actually feels like a flat, not a prison and it is decorated like a flat e.g. i have carpet in my room, a decent bed and a dining table in the living room (and i have a living room!). no male guests are allowed after 10pm so even though there are no staff i feel safe (i have a very good lock on my room too).

[Saffron]

Sounds like he stuck around because he's a decent bloke. And decent blokes are hard to come by these days!
I'm so glad to hear you are more settled. Well done!

[RFLH]

Friday that is wonderful news, it couldn't happen for a nicer person and hang on to that man, he's a keeper by the sounds of it.