drinking

[friday]

will i ever learn? i've been on a bender since saturday evening with no sleep and far too much booze which means i now can't sleep and have a lab report due on tues that i was meant to be finishing on sunday. but i am in no fit to write anything of worth so instead i am on here typing rubbish.
to make matters worse the fire alarm went off so i spent ages standing around with the fire brigade whilst they tried to find the cause and they wouldnt let me back in to get my fags. not happy. in the end i went back in anyway. got my priorities right, havent i?
and as always i have done silly things. rang a guy that has done so much wrong to me even though i know it was stupid and he has a girlfriend. left him loads of mad messages that i regret now. i always do this.
i've got to be up in a few hours and stay vaguely alert in uni but what am i doing? considering drinking the bourbon in my fridge. cos that will help.
i'm not sure if i'm drunk or hungover nor am i sure there is even a difference anymore.

[RFLH]

oh Friday, step away from the fridge.

At least you know what you're doing which is something. Remove the poor blokes number from your phone so you can't contact him again, that should save you from doing it.

Try and get some sleep for a few hours and be kind and gentle to yourself.

Do a little work and finish it when you feel able to cope.

I hope you post again soon so that I know you're ok. I worry about you.

[Saffron]

I'm with RFLH on this. Chuck the bourbon away and try to rest. Do the work when you feel ready and don't be too hard on yourself.
Please let us know that you are OK, or I will worry.

[friday]

thanks saffron and rflh. no need to worry about me though, im just being a little drunkard.
ive deleted his number from my phonebook but also put him on my phones reject list so if he tries to ring it will go straight to the answering machine. im a tecnhnopobe so i know there is no way i could find the reject list to get his number when i'm pissed. it took me ages to find it when i was sober. just wish i didnt keep going back to him. after everything he has done i don't understand how i can. but life isn't always logical.
i'm going to try stay away from the drink until saturday at the very earliest but aiming to not drink til the week after. havent really got the funds to keep this up, not even at supermarket prices. i dread to think what i said on saturday/sunday. yet i know full well i will do it again. i registered at the doctors the other day and the form asked how many units you drink a week. suffice to say it is more than the recommended 21.

[Saffron]

We all have our crazy moments when things get a bit too much for us. In my wild youth I was dumped by my long-term boyfriend, and it broke my heart. I spent weeks getting ridiculously drunk and leaving sobbing messages on his answer machine at home, at his mum's, and at his work. He never returned my calls and I bitterly regretted it afterwards!

[RFLH]

I don't think I did any of that, but then in my youth there wasn't answer phones or mobiles. I think I could had been a good customer for somewhere that sold voo doo dolls

Being rat-arsed once in a blue moon is fine, more often and I shall come and slap your legs!

[Rights Fighter]

She means it too y'know!

[friday]

saffron-at least if he never rang you back you never had to try make up some rediculous excuse.
rflh-i sometimes wish mobiles werent invented. you can't accidentally send a text message to the wrong person on a landline and at least drunk calling would be limited to when you get home by which time *hopefully* you have sobered up enough to realise you're stupidity BEFORE you make the call.

if only it was my ex i was ringing. i won't go in to details cos its a public forum but this guy is likely to be getting a visit from the police soon, not for what he has done to me (though illegal i only became aware of it recently, over a year after) but for what he has said etc to someone i care about and which could lead to them losing there job as the things he sent where to his work email which more than just one person has access to.

on a positive note the booze is still in the fridge untouched (can't afford to throw it out cos i spent too much money on alky. viscious cycle?)
got an essay due next tues so unless by some miracle i have done all the reading and written the essay by saturday evening i won't be out on saturday...then again i said that last week.

i have a new theory. lack of sleep makes me think quicker and be more awake. i didnt sleep at all on saturday, had about 4 hrs on sunday night and didnt sleep last night so i had 4hrs sleep in 3 nights and yet i came up with better points in my labs today than i would if i had slept 8 hrs every night. odd.

[RFLH]

Leave it in the fridge until you have a happy reason to celebrate - like a good mark on your next assignment.

Recently I had 8 hours sleep in a week and I felt better for it. Back to a disturbed 7 hours and feel rubbish again.

Perhaps you should only have numbers in your phone that are harmless iof you sent a wrong text to, that way you can't be tripped up.

Hope your work is going well, keep us up to date with it, cos we do have a genuine interest in you.

[Rights Fighter]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1221843/White-wine-rots-teeth--brushing-makes-worse.html

I expect my teeth to drop out any day now if this is true!

I've had text messages sent to my landline from people I don't know - could be that somebody had plumbed the true recipients number in wrongly. I had a particularly nasty one sent to me a few years back and had to call the police as I had no idea who it was from.

The police officer rang the mobile number it had come from and first the sender denied it and then admitted he didn't know me.

Some landline telephones can send text messages now.

[RFLH]

I can receive them on my landline.

[friday]

i havent drunk since sunday but i went into sainsburys tonight and bought 70cl of dark rum. now i know that i already have about 35cl of bourbon and about 20cl of vodka. there is no way i could drink that in one night yet i convinced myself the bourbon and vodka wouldnt be enough. silly me. got to learn some self control.
this was the week of the second trial. today (well tecnically yesterday) was the day he was found not guilty. coincidence? i'd like to say yes but i doubt it. but why i think rum is the answer? who knows.

[RFLH]

You and me both Friday

[friday]

i worked in a pub and a club (bad idea cos you get staff discount and free drinks) and yet i still can not work out how much one unit is. poured myself a third of a mug of rum (i have no glasses) and topped it up with coke and wondered why it tasted grim. havent slept (bought myself a refurbished eee pc 900 for £150 on ebay, oops) and am now attempting to use whisky to sleep.
i am not meant to be doing this anymore. everyone commented on how much i had calmed down after i cut down on the alky (i used to get sh*tfaced and say/do stuff that got me in trouble/told people my life story etc) and that was why i banned strong spirits, cider and lager from my home (don't think a bottle of tia maria would get me in such a state) and i know its stupid and i know my body can not handle it (though my liver seems to be bionic and has survived insane things and completely recovered) but i can't face the seizures again. it wears me out and its really not normal. and its humiliating to have all these tests done only to be told there is nothing wrong with you medically. you're just a p*sshead.
i know its a slippy slope i'm heading down but at least i know that the booze wll always be there.
god i sound like an alcoholic. but i think i'm just addicted to anything and everything if its there at the time. but the lying has started already (obviously not online but to those closest to me) and yes i go days without drinking but not without thinking i "deserve" a drink cos x happened or y said this. and i'm rambling again and my computer needs a breathaliser.

[RFLH]

Friday - I think you know that you ought to go and talk to someone about this.

Take it from one that knows, if you have to go overboard with things then its addiction, its not just there to help you sleep - you're using it to block all the **** out - but it's not working is it?

Alcohol is a depressive and won't ever make you feel better.

You've worked so hard to get to Uni, it would be more than a crying shame if you cocked it all up. Besides which think of all the money you're wasting on it - you have to live whilst you're there and that means eating!

Now don't shout or take offence, but have you thought of AA? A wonderful friend of ours uses them and swears that it saved their life.


I wish I lived closer so you could pop in when you felt down. I'll send you my email addy and you can use it if you need it.