ummm, having a bad day

[Saffron]

Oh dear. I have spent the afternoon skiving from work and Googling false rape accusations. Now I can't get things out of my head. I keep thinking about my husband's case, and how totally incompetent our barrister and solicitor were. I feel like this has totally taken over my life again, even though it all happened nearly 7 years ago. I want to curl up with a bottle of whisky and cry forever. Thanks god the kids are at my mum's. If he had been given a halfway decent legal team I think we could have seen a Not Guilty verdict. If we had been more knowledgeable about the process we could have pushed our sol/barrister more....my God, I think even I could have conducted a better defence!

I don't know why this has hit me again. I know that there are people falsely accused/actually raped who are far worse off than me, and I feel bad for wallowing in this. Next month it will be 7 years since he was accused. Why do I still feel so raw?

I can't even swallow, I am so close to tears.

[isi]

sending you a big cyber hug if thats ok?

I think that when things have been out of our control with heinzsight coming into the thought process you just end up beating yourself up about it. I also think that going over things in your head is a way of helping to come to terms and accept what happened and realising that at that time you really did not know what to do for the best. Also you were probably in shock and disbelief and why should any normal person be prepared for their partner to be falsley accused... as far as I am aware it is not something we are taught to deal with. Have you ever had chance to talk to someone about it properly? and if you have it may help to talk to someone again.

You are strong enough to have come this far and go through a sentence yourself so I think you should hand that bottle of whiskey over so I can drink it for you or at least poor it away. You will feel awful if you drink when feeling down....

Wishing you better feelings for tomorrow x x x

[kskc]

hey saffron, i know how you are feeling completely. i hit my lowest point a few months ago. ended up in hospital with an overdose. kinda of regret it because of how bad i felt afterward and upset my i made my hubby when he found out what i had done.
but you are strong for having gone through 7years! i don't know how you managed it.
i agree, put the whiskey away. doesn't alcohol make you feel worse??
i really don't have many positive things to say, just this website and the people ive been chatting to on here have helped me the most.
take care of yourself. we all here.
x

[Rights Fighter]

Yep leave the booze alone - I am famous for drinking my dry white wine but I try to restrict how much I drink. Alcohol is a known depressant and although in the short term you might feel better while you drink it, it's the next day when the regrets come flooding in. I know!

You are also supporting those who are falsely accused so indirectly you are taking on other people's problems onto your shoulders which is not a good thing when you are suffering from a type of "flashback" memory.

Try having a couple of days away if at all possible - you deserve it!

KSKC you need to come on the forum when you feel so low you think the best way out is to take pills, if only to make you sleep for hours rather than to potentially top yourself. I am only an email away as well you know!

[friday]

sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. don't feel that you don't have the right to cos "other people have it worse" etc. i always say that if i want coco pops for breakfast and ive run out then that could tip me over the edge, for someone else it would be losing a pet etc but its not what happens but how it affects you that matters.

alky is the devils blood, i swear. it makes you super sad and its that horrible kind of drunk sad where everything is a million times worse (including running out of alky). i find macaroni cheese (vegan mac for me ) is much better.

[frankgallagherwasere]

Im not going to play a goodie goodie cos I/we have been cheated and our lives destroyed by a state hell bent on self promotion and personal and financial rewards - even if gained in a corrupt way.

I have my moments as you all know, the countries legal system stinks and those who represent it no better than the scum of this earth the accusers. Yes as RF says there are good ones amoungst them, but there few and wont tackle the main issue which as much as it is individual cases is the system itself and those who make it the way it is (not all of them but enough to be significant).

There are 3 ways to tackle these issues

1. You give up and do what they want you to do shut up and accept it on the chin
2. Fight back and try and gain justice by winning an appeal - shallow as it might be
3. Rebel and then get yourself locked up for something else

Anything else is beyond us as were not united and any suggestions of fighting manipulated by those same people who put us in this situation.

Try a bottle of Champaigne (or something sparkling) although alcohol is a depressent, and I know cos my wife drinks it like water and I suffer the reactions, bubbles do make it all the better !! and break the bank I know. Who said drugs dont help? There are plenty that make people happy and dont have to be addictive, except the feelings they give us are what we crave for - peace with the world and especially with ourselves.

Why do you think the reason is I kick off, I cant believe dont believe Im the only one upset annoyed and frustarted so I take it out on those whom I dont believe have just given up. We are all in this together - all a target and all suffered the same fate. Im not in bed and on the same wave length of those who have given up, accepted their bed and lie on it - poor things for doing so cos there beaten !! There are no forums we can talk about what can be done cos we just get kicked off them by a small group who want to keep the status quo as it is. Else we get told and ordered to go somewhere else where we can rant BUT not make a difference !!! The system CAN BE BEATEN !!

[Saffron]

My sincerest and heartfelt thanks to you all, your support means a very great deal. Rather ironically they have brought tears to my eyes (again! I am such a wet weed!)

R got home before I was halfway through the whisky, and he sensibly took it away. Then he made me help him with the 3 baskets of clean washing that were waiting to be put away to take my mind off it. So luckily all I had to complain of today was a sore head. I went and picked up the children from Mum's today, and they have given me something else to focus on. I also went to visit an old schoolfriend of mine who is very ill and very lonely, and we put the world to rights together. I have brought the kids home and cooked them a delicious tea (pasta with homemade tomato, garlic and chilli sauce, topped with melted cheese, followed by ice cream and strawberries!)

Kskc, my God, I am so sorry you have been so low. If you ever feel like that again, just PM me, and we can talk it through. There is always a different option, and you are NOT alone.
FG, I know why you kick off sometimes, believe me I do! I shall take on board your suggestion of bubbles.
Friday I wish I could take on board the Comfort Food option, but my waistline is ever-expanding at the moment! Marmite on toast with lashings of butter is about as far as I can go.
RF, you are a sage person. I remember you emailing me when all of this kicked off and you asked me to contact you. I was frightened about sharing what we were going through, so I didn't. More fool me, I wish I had.
Isi, cyber hugs always welcome! I was lucky enough to have excellent counselling at the time, although I don't feel it would be necessary now. I have you motley crew after all.

I am very touched at the response to my posting, you are all very kind. Thank you x

[friday]

^trust me, the mac+cheese will have less calories than the whisky!

[frankgallagherwasere]

I think by admitting your feelings, your letting others know there not alone as many feel no different. Helping each other cope is critical to survival and lets be honest the alternatives are simply not in our own personal interests. The state would love us all to go away quietly or to give them any excuse to bang us up out of the way, where they retain control.

Sharing our own personal trauma openly is sharing everyones problems, we can deal with them alone or as a united front a show of togetherness and as a group. Numbers bring with it strength, the more of us there are the stronger we are as a group and the louder our voices. All we all lack is direction therefore we feel lost segregated from society even reality and ultimately hopeless. We can no longer enjoy ourselves as we once used too because someone else chose to take it away from us and the state supported them.

You can never truly relax because we are all aware of the dangers around us, people whom we come into contact with could be one of them, an accuser, a fraudster, you find it almost impossible to trust anyone yet we as a group understand those issues, those problems. The strength is that we have been there we understand and no one else could ever imagine what it does to you, were not individual cases no case is unique there all related to the same devious methods used to gain the same outcome - convictions.

KSKC you should never feel alone, there are hundreds and thousands in your shoes in you position and many whom dont use the forums still suffer, except they choose to do it in silence. Some rebuild their lives and put it behind them, no they just conform to the wishes of their masters - their accusers and the state. But then reality is what can you or anyone else even everyone else do?? Well stop letting people tell us to shut up would be a start and fight for our voices to be heard not silenced. But in a rational and coherent direction - Rants are just a cry for support to see if anyone is really listening or whether everyone has given into their masters wishes. Stop these stupid epetitions and start asking serious questions and dig the truth out, then with it, petition for a judicial review and enquiry to expost the corruptness of the system thats supposed to uphold the law not exploit it!!

Legal aid is illegal aid and everyone should have the legal right to an appeal where information has been withheld and there is contradictory evidence against the original charges and subsequent convictions. Or where evidence could have been sought found and presented if the Police and CPS had investigated the case thoroughly and properly as per their procedural obligations written in our statute book of law. If accusers and accomplices are proven liars then this should raise doubts about the integrity of their statements how can a sentence in a statement be inadmissible one a lie and another the truth ?????????????????????????????????????
Luv to u all